Beautiful after the rain.

August 10, 2010
I think you are beautiful after the storm.

You have faced raw, natural pain. You have embraced life with your defenses laying on the ground. In the cracks and breaks of this life you wanted to get under the covers and remain there for the indefinite future.

You have no choice but to move forward. Strength is the only option that remains. There is nothing left to hold onto and there is nothing left to lose. So who do we become?

A penny for my thoughts? I don't want anything for them. But if you choose to listen to the words I've saying in the cool, quite hours or the days, then I'll be grateful.

I don't have any grudges or hold anything against you. When I choose to forgive you and love you then I'm free. When I sit there and fight with you I just hurt myself. It seems to me that love is the only way to go.

We can't change our circumstances. We can't change each other's circumstances. But if we just love each other and choose to relate to each other in a way that expresses it then it brings life back somehow. If we we just love ourselves and choose to live a life in a way that expresses it then somehow it brings life back.

It's not something I really understand. I thought love was that boy who came to see me. I didn't know much about us but it was incredible when he promised me his future as he held my hand. Things don't always go the way we think and people don't always stay in our life, mostly people change and they go away. But if I let you go and choose to love you for you alone then the life I lost when I thought you were serious comes back somehow.

When you go leave I feel like my heart goes too. When you comeback I feel like my heart comes back with you. It's not something I really understand.

I aspire to embrace my life with freedom. Which means to me that whatever happens, happens. I will be grateful if you make a promise and live it. If you stick around and then have to go, I will be grateful for what you did bring into my life. I aspire to be grateful for what happens in my life and everything else, I will just let it go.

I don't think I say or have said thank you enough. I never told you thank you for putting your hand in mine. I never told you thank you for reading my writing or looking at my art and telling me you saw something. I never told you thank you for not judging me when I showed you the scars and stepped away from self inflicted pain.

But once again, things change and those best days were best days but they will never occur just like that again.

But I had the best days and there will be more, they will just be different. I don't want to be empty. But if I think as I look at your photograph, thank you. I think as I look at the old photographs of my life, thank you.

Things happen and they're messy, complicated, bring us to our knees.

So let the rain come because life will beautiful after the rain.





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This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

starxoxo23 said...
Sept. 26, 2010 at 10:42 am
i LOVE this! the feeling you describe here is something that i think everyone can relate to on some level. this is soo deep and the wording you chose is absolutely beautiful. you're an amazing writer, keep up the good work =)
 
In_Love_Loved replied...
Sept. 27, 2010 at 12:24 pm
Thank you so so so much. It's just stuff in my head. YAY. I will KEEP writing.
 
starxoxo23 replied...
Sept. 27, 2010 at 4:08 pm
you're welcome (: and im glad!
 
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