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What if your Best Friend was Emo?
Failure, in many cases people would see as losing. In this case, when she told me she failed, it was the best news in the world.
She told me she was having problems. I didn’t think it was that bad. Then she said she was taking depression pills and seeing a counselor. Why didn’t I ask her what was going on? I think I was scared to find out; I was scared I couldn’t help her.
One day she asked me, “What if your best friend was emo?”
Why didn’t that put up a red flag? I should’ve asked. I wasn’t brave enough.
I remember telling her, “I would still be their best friend, emo or not.”
She didn’t say anything else after that. I soon found out she was talking about herself. She was the one cutting herself. Why didn’t I ask before? I was scared.
I was walking through the grocery store with my Mom when I got the text.
“I need to talk to you,” she said. The red flag came up then and I didn’t care if I was scared. I needed to know and she needed my help. I soon came to realize I was too late.
I asked her, “What’s been going on?” She told me she had been fighting with her mom, and she ran away. I knew she was holding back, like always. There was something more, there was something way more serious than just running away.
I demanded to know where she was. It was getting dark, and my Mom said we would pick her up. She wouldn’t tell me, she knew that’s why I was asking.
I was in the front seat of the truck, my Mom driving, and bags of groceries in the back. I was still trying to convince her to go home, or tell me where she was. She finally said she would head home.
“So you don’t have to worry.” The text said.
I was relieved, I thought it was over. Something told me it wasn’t, but I ignored it.
I asked her, “So are you okay now?” and that’s when I found out.
She said she tried – tried to commit suicide. Thoughts raced to my mind as fast as tears came out my eyes. Why? I thought. This can’t be happening. Tears running down my face, pouring out my eyes, I realized without her failure, she would have been gone. I would have never been able to talk to her again, never see her again. My best friend would have been gone.
Hearing my Mom say, “What’s wrong?” sounded distant, far away.
I felt like someone was holding me under water. I felt as if I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t have the slightest idea what I could say to explain what just happened. My Mom’s voice became panicked and I handed her the phone in my shaking hand. Tears streaked down my face as we pulled the truck in at home. I could barely walk. My Dad and brother were confused. I didn’t know what to tell them. My Mom explained what happened as I sat on the couch feeling as if the whole world was ending.
I kept telling her, “Please never do that ever.”
I remember telling her she was the best friend I ever had, and other countless things that should have cheered her up.
All she said was “None of that matters anymore.”
I didn’t know what to do. I felt so helpless, so scared. My Dad being the calm and sensible one, talked to me until my tears slowed. He convinced me to call her and talk to her like I always did. I didn’t think I could do it, but it was the only thing that seemed right. I walked outside and dialed her number telling myself I wouldn’t cry. Hearing her voice, though, sent tears to my eyes. She laughed as if I was being funny, and asked why I was crying. I couldn’t believe she was asking that.
My brother was really worried about me, and ended up walking outside and sitting by me. I didn’t know if it was good or not. I didn’t know if she would like the fact that everyone knew what happened. I’m glad he did come out though.
He asked, “Do you want a purple cookie?” knowing how it was so random, it would make us laugh.
We all started cracking up. The tension was finally broken, but her laugh made me realize how close I was to losing her. That night we talked on the phone for hours. I remember talking about purple mold, British accents, and friends from middle school, anything that would make her laugh.
Failure is sometimes a good thing, a great thing. My best friend would not have been here today, if failure didn’t exist.