I sit in my room, watching the minutes go by, knowing its nearing towards midnight. When the clock strikes twelve the date would be July 11th.
Me and my boyfriend of two years broke up two months prior. In a way I have changed, grown up a few notches as well. When him and I were dating, I would tell so many people that I loved them, even if i didn't mean it. Now, i rarely say the word love, let a lone use it in a three word statement.
I find myself yelling at the telivision screen during a teen age drama show. Never noticed how much the L word was thrown around until my break up. It infuriates me that Tv programs fill teenagers heads that dating a boy/girl for a couple of weeks makes you "in love." Maybe when they are lucky enough to get that feeling, they don't know what they are precisely feeling because the word love was introduced prematurely into the relationship.
There is always going to be a fuss about who is dating who. Honestly, now that I have experienced my first love, I don't care who is going out with who as long as they are happy. That's what I would have wanted when me and this particular boy was dating.
When I think back to the week I became single, I see myself in the fetal position, my knees tucked into my chest weeping on my bedroom floor. I remember turning on the shower so no one can here my cries over the pitter-patter of the water hitting the shower floor.I built up a stronger wall against my emotions so I don't have my tandrums occur as often.
I believe tonight is an exception. Minutes are ticking by as I feel the first tear run down the side of my cheek. Thinking of him at the oddest times brings tears to my eyes. How is it that every song reminds you of the person who once gave you butterflies as he kissed your lips sweetly and says I don't want anyone else but you?
Now multiple tears streaming over my face, gripping the stuffed animal he gave me for christmas one year. No matter how long I keep it, I can still smell his cologne on this fuffy stuffed dog.
If I could have one last day of happiness with him, know i'de give anything to have it. It had a bad ending to the last page in our relationship.
Though, you can wake up and cover your tear stained face with make up and act like you went to bed quick and easy. The people who experience loved prior to you know you had a rough night. The heart ache does go away, very slowly and gradually. You will always love that Person, just like I love him so much at this very moment..