I looked up to see the cruel smile on the girls face as she walked past me; she giggled and lashed out with a stinging word. Looking down and away I pretend that I don’t hear her, fumbling with my oversized sweatshirt and hunching my shoulders, trying to look like I was otherwise busy. I hurry away pretending that her words don’t hurt me. In my head I’m punching her in the face. In reality ill go home and cry my problems into my pillow. I hurry past the lunch lines and past the wall were all of the popular girls sit, I wince as I feel their eyes on my back, their sneers finding a way to my ears. I sit through lunching listening to a girl talk that I don’t even like, babbling about all the fake guys who are practically drooling at her feet. The bell rings and the girl asks me for the fifth time to come over, I say I’m busy not wanting to hear her rant about something that never happened. I live in a world of gorgeous girls and booty shorts. Who apply so much makeup and look like twenty year olds. If you’re not one of them, then you not anyone. My best friend is one of them. They accepted her not me, they gave her a choice and she chose. She told me that she was going to be somewhere else at lunch, that it had been great being my friend, but not anymore, not ever. She ripped my heart out and watched it stop beating. I don’t talk much anymore, not many people talk to me. All this time I sit and wonder why? Why does this happen? Who is one to choose were you sit, and who you are by what you look like, or how much money you have? Sighing I look back up into the sky wondering the day when all of this will stop, when my best friend will come back telling me sorry and crying. When the other girls will stop being so mean, and just accept me. But In my heart I know the answer; it whispers doubt into my mind and makes me weak. Because I know that day will never come for me.
June 6, 2010