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On Happiness

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I would love to experience another culture. I would embrace the opportunity to pursue my interests in art and neglect the areas of math and science. I adore the idea of leaving here to see the world, but I cant. I feel weighed down by the required courses. I feel smothered by the pressure to excel in subjects that I’m just not good at and I feel pressure to take classes that don’t interest me. In order to stand out and to score well on standardized testing however, I must excel in all honors classes. I would love to go to Summer Hill, but it seems unrealistic, almost like a dreamland to me.
Not only do I not remember what I learn in classes that don’t interest me, I try to forget. I bulldoze my brain, scraping away the quadratic formula, stoichiometry, and the periodic table to make room for my memories of the last time I was free. I love being creative but I haven’t decided how to apply my creativity to a job, to be honest, I haven’t had time to explore that. I bet it is unhealthy to focus so much time and energy into things that I most resent. In order to be happy, I think I should be spending my prime years on enjoying them rather than using the time that I am young, youthful and full of life and energy to prepare for the days when I no longer possess my youthful zeal.
If I went to Summer Hill, not only would I be able to pursue my interests, but I also wouldn’t feel like I am wasting my youth. I know from experience that if I am taught something that I’m not interested in, the information doesn’t stick. I would therefore benefit from an education at Summer Hill. I do understand that learning things like math and science isn’t completely useless, which is why I would take some math and some science at Summer Hill, even though I wouldn’t have to. I think that maybe I could even enjoy math and science if I was able to learn at my own pace. I tend to be more willing to do things when they aren’t forced on me.

I would love to go to Summer Hill, but it seems like a fairytale and I know that I’m not realistically going to go there. Therefore instead of hanging out with my friends or traveling or doing art I will waste my childhood studying and taking classes I don’t like because it will “help me in the long run.” I hope the long run is worth it and eventually I will have time to pursue my interests and do something that makes me happy because right now I am not satisfied. I am not happy. Maybe if I went to Summer Hill I would be happy. Maybe I’ll go there in my next life. But wait, this is all there is, this is it, this is the only childhood I get and I’m consciously letting it slip away with the hope that it will be better later. But what if it’s not?





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