Forgive and Forget

May 13, 2010
By , st. peters, MO
I don’t know how I let it get so far. I could have stopped everything in the beginning. Let’s face it-a girl who loves a boy goes through too many problems. It was a great relationship, that ended with abuse, alcohol, and fear. The day was clearly not enough for my 14 year old mind. Who knows what Danny and Jake were thinking through it all? My adolescence made me attempt to forgive and forget. Forgive and forget for 4 months and 11 days. It’s day one that strikes the hardest. A perfect day, gone horribly wrong.

January 10, 2007. McDonalds. Everyone goes there after school on Wednesdays for the free food the guys from Church on the Rock buy, but I don’t go with my friends that Wednesday. I say bye to everyone out in front of South High School and watch them start walking toward the Wednesday hangout. As I sit outside, I wait around for Danny. When he finally arrives, I jump in his navy blue pick-up truck. Danny turns to me and gives me his “good-guy” smile that he has perfected.

“Hey, Babe. We are going to my buddy’s house for a bit.” He smiles again.

I smile and nod at him as I start flipping through the radio stations. He holds his arm out, and I scoot over next to him. Tired, I lay my head on his shoulder. He’s wearing his green, shredded-sleeved jacket I keep trying to convince him to get rid of. I can smell his cologne on the jacket. Cinnamon. How many people wear cinnamon cologne? We pull up to a stoplight, and he turns to me.

“How much do you love me?” he asks.

As if he really has to ask.

“I love you more than anything.” I reply to him as he kisses my forehead.

We arrive at his friend Jake’s house. As we walk to the door, Danny holds my hand. Jake is waiting for us at the door.

“Hey, Hey!” He laughs at us, “Dude, Danny. Check out what my dad bought the other day.”

Jake holds up a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. Danny hates whiskey. He won’t drink any of it. Danny looks from the bottle, to Jake, to me.

“Nice! Hey, Babe? I’m going to talk with Jake for a little bit. Why don’t you go watch TV?” Danny says.

“Alright. Don’t drink. You have to take me home in a while and I would like to spend some time with you today.” I say as I give him my “don’t do it” look.

I kiss Danny, then go and sit on the couch. Finding the remote on the table, I begin flipping through the channels. I can hear Jake turn on his music. They must not want me knowing what they are talking about. I shrug. I shrug. As I’m flipping through the channels, I notice that “Labyrinth” is on. Haven’t seen that movie in a while. When the movie is over, I get up and head toward Jake’s room. I can hear the music playing. They are listening to Three Door’s Down. The song “Kryptonite” is playing. As I push open the door, I see Danny taking a shot. Jake lies back on his bed.
“Uh-Oh. Incoming!” Jake says when he sees me.
Danny turns and smiles. He gets up at starts stumbling toward me. Of course he’s drunk.
“Hi, honey. How you doing?” His words slur.
I look at him in disbelief.
“Danny. You are drunk. How am I supposed to get home? I can’t call my parents. They don’t even know where I am! And, we were supposed to have fun today.” I say in an angry tone.
“Ok, baby. I will be sober soon and will be able to take you home. In the mean time, we can have plenty of fun here. Jake is passed out and we have a whole house to our self. I could possibly think of a few things two teenagers could do.” He stumbles as he moves around.
“Wow. I can’t believe you. The one day we can see each other. You are drunk and I am leaving.”
I turn to walk to the door and he grabs my hand. He moves in to kiss me and I pull away. I move toward the door again. Danny pushes me onto the couch. He tries to kiss me again and I slap him across his face. What is happening? This isn’t right…?
“Get away from me.” I say as I begin to get angrier.
He hits me.
“Quit being such a *****!” He yells at me.
I jam my knee into his crotch and jump up to leave. He grabs me again and I fall down. My side hit’s the coffee table and I feel a sharp pain. I turn over and he gets on top of me so I can’t move.
“Get the hell off of me!” I scream at him.
Going to slap him again, he grabs my wrists and pins my hands down. Attempting to knee him again, I realize I don’t have enough room to move. He moves in toward my face again and I slam my forehead into his nose. He hits me so hard my head slams into the ground. I feel a sharp pain and close my eyes as my head starts to throb. Just make it stop! My head and side are throbbing. My wrists are sore because of the pressure of his hands. His knees push into my legs. He attempts to kiss me again and I spit on him. He digs his knees into my thighs. I cry out in pain.
I start yelling at him and can hardly breathe. My head is still throbbing and I’m not breathing enough to get the oxygen my body needs. I begin to lose consciousness, so I stop yelling and breathe.
“You are so weak.” Danny says with a laugh.
I try to move away. I can smell the whiskey in his breath. He moves his hands so he is holding my arms above my head. His face is now closer to mine. I start to jerk around again as I continue to yell for him to let me go.
“Won’t you just shut up?” He asks me.
I scream as loud as I can and he hits me. My head hit’s the ground again and I lose consciousness.
I wake up when I hear Jake yelling. I’m no longer on the living room floor. Looking around, I realize that I’m now in Jake’s room.

“Dude. You could have killed her! I don’t know what the hell happened but you need to leave. Now.” Jake says to Danny.
Great. He is still here.
I start to stand up and almost fall over. My head hurts so badly. Then I hear Danny talk.
“I know. I was really drunk. I wasn’t thinking straight. I’m just going to go make sure she is ok. Then I will leave.” Danny says.
I run into Jake’s bathroom and shut the door.
“No. Leave her alone. You have done enough. I’m going to take her home. When she wakes up, it’s better if you are gone.” Jake says. He sounds angry.
I hear a door close and Danny’s truck start. I turn and look in the mirror. My hair is messed up and I have a large bruise on the side of my face. Feeling the cut on my side, I remember hitting the table. My head throbs. I’m not sure what I remember the most…the look on Jake’s face when he walked into the bathroom. The silent car ride back to my house. The fact that my parents didn’t notice my odd behavior for the next few weeks. Wearing extra make-up (to cover the bruise on my face). Or how no one seemed to notice or care that I didn’t talk for a while after that.

Four months and eleven days. From January 10, to May 21. The abuse started on a Wednesday, and I broke from the “relationship” on a Monday. Why did I go back to him after that day? Why did I go back to him after the next day? Why do I still seem to go back to him? I don’t know. When a stupid young girl falls in love (or so she thinks), she doesn’t want to lose that love. She does anything for the boy. She makes up excuses for the boy who used to be sweet and says to herself that it’s normal. It’s her fault. Acts like everything is fine around her friends and family. Distracts herself with alcohol, so she can forget. The perfect relationship, gone horribly wrong.

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