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Vile Heart Has Become Heartless

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I have lost it...For sure I have lost it... What I have known is now unknown. Farewell Reason and Logic. You have been there for me in the darkest of times. However, Oblivion proved to be too powerful, and Vile Heart has succeeded. I cannot say that you did your best to stabalize the maelstrom of chaos raging in the confines of my mind. Yet, I cannot say for sure that what has happened disintegrated. Rather, a chain reaction has sparked the beginning of the benighted soul. Darkness swirls around me. Light hinders in the corner. Only existence and nonexistence remains in this world of life and death. Fascinating isn't it? How simple realities compel someone such as myself, a being of equilibrium, to write such things of naught. That is the miracle that confounds all of science. For what I know, I do not know. For what I do not know, I know. This irony portrays the very realization that is yet again striking at my heart. Vile Heart. Oh yes, the very icon that withstood the passage of time and has been revived in my Oblivion. Light cannot foresee everything at this point. It was up to Reason to define what was right and wrong. It was up to Logic to support Reason's weapons of deduction. What went one...Is only the beginning...In the end...I don't know anymore!

Unfortunately, Vile Heart has been reborn with a greater power, one that was formidable in destruction. I was not sure as to how my friends can combat this power. All I could do is watch in the background the bloodshed. The blood was my dignity, sanity, and most significant of all, my ephemeral bliss. What these three attributes went through is indescribable. It is amazing how the reincarnation of evil can overpower the might of my being. I was sure that I can formulate a plan to once and for all destroy this evil. I checked all the flaws and weaknesses. I looked at all my options. Then the battle came. It was a close one. But as I was nearing victory, something caused me to diminish in power. The Darkness was closing in. I was suffocating. I did all I could along with Reason and Logic to fight back, but no. In the end, I lost. I lost Reason and Logic. They did the best they can to help me but failed me. I failed them. I failed me. My dignity started to drain from my heart. I thought that this will be the only pain I would feel, but I won a consolation prize: the sanity of my mind was benighted. It was not completely lost; rather, it was damaged in the long run. Yet, no one will notice it...Never... My dignity is lost...But my sanity is not...I will not let that die....Ever... Now, I am in the process of losing my bliss, my peace, my calm state of mind. I cannot think as joyous as before anymore because of this... Catastrophe... Oh well... Who needs bliss nowadays in today's reality?... Only Love can save me now... How pitiful of me...

Heartless has been born out of Vile Heart's victory. Now that Reason and Logic are dead, there is no need to have a Vile Heart in me. So, only one thing could ever exist from that: no heart, Heartless. I still have one; don't get me wrong. Its just empty. Or rather, it is nearly empty. The remaining contents are of my friends and Love. I can maintain this amount of "heart" I have left until it drains out. Evaporate. Whatever. They are the remaining glow of Light I have left. And I will not waste it. I will save it for them. Because they compel me to keep on going. Rest in peace...Reason and Logic...

Epilogue: This blog is inspired by the loss of my privilege to drive. Yes. In light of my accident on the date of February 28, 2010 (also the day that I lost my virginity), my parents have become traumatized with paying the costs of repair as well as the difficulty of my mother getting to work properly. Indeed, they do not want this accident to EVER happen again; therefore, their solution is to NEVER EVER let me drive on my own again. Even though my mother offers me to drive WITH her in the car, I refuse to drive if I am reduced to permit status. I cannot seem to accept this reality. The day of my hearing, April 15, 2010, is my chance to get justice done to that idiot of a driver who hit me. Stupid police thought it was me because I appeared guilty by my panicking. DAMN YOU! I WAS INTIMIDATED BY YOU AND MY FIRST ACCIDENT! HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING AT FAULT! JUST BECAUSE I'M AN INTERMEDIATE LICENSED DRIVER?! DAMN YOU B****! DAMN YOU! I WILL GET YOU FIRED FOR THIS! Well, enough with GPD's incompetent b****es... Back to my loving parents... I do not want to stress them with my desire to drive... This is why I suggested to buy me a used car now... Then sell it when I leave to KY... BUT NO... ITS TOO HARD TO SELL IT... I GUESS... BUT ITS POSSIBLE TO SELL IT... DAMN IT... I cannot complain.... I give up this fight of trying to be independent... F***... I should just shred my useless license... I am losing my mind from just trying to drive again... So you know what?... DRIVE ME AROUND B****... I'M YOUR PASSENGER... DO IT... Sighs... It's done...I'm done...





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