Al those fights we had, all the things that I shouldn't have let you take back. All of it made my heart break so much more. When you told me to love you like I used to and stop being so stupid. All those times you never looked me in the eye when you said "I love you." All those times I should've known. All those things you tried to convince me to do. ALl the things we got back at each other for. All the revenge, all the fighting, all the tears I cried for you that you never cared about. All my life I wasted only to be left feeling more useless than my words and all the "I'm sorry's" I said that I never mean. All those things I gave you. Everything I gave you... my heart was broken because I was never strong enough to stand up to you. I was never strong enough to be myself and fight against you because I was too busy fighting for you when, now I realize, you are a worse person than I will even even come close to being. I'm done with saying I'm sorry. I just wanted to thank you for making me stronger and helping me realize that my daddy was right,... no one, especially you, could ever deserve me. But then again, what do you care? You think I never even loved you. But I hope you will remember all those fights we had and all the times I let you walk all over me. Because that's not what should've happened. I should've told you not to say "I love you" unless you meant it. I should've said no and held my ground. I should've pissed you off and yelled at you like you were always yelling at me. I should've never forgiven you for all the names you called me and all the things you said to make me feel so useless. I should've never cried for you. I should've listened to everyone telling me to get rid of you. I shouldn't have tried so hard to be in love. I shouldn't have spent two years, two weeks, and three days of my life with you. I shouldn't ever have said I'm sorry. But... how would I be as happy as I am not if it weren't for a jerk like you breaking my heart and making me realize what I deserve?
If I Could Go Back
April 7, 2010