Manic Middle School Years.....

February 6, 2010
By , Nyack, NY
This story is about the cruel reality of the middle school/high school world, and my honest opinions and expressions of how I feel. This is my story of growing up and trying to fit in. If you don’t want to read it I understand, no offense taken whatsoever. I’m posting it because maybe that one somebody out in the world is feeling like I was, and this is to help them. So they won’t make the same mistakes I did, and wind up miserable typing their personal experience at 2:31 AM.

Growing up isn’t easy. Finding yourself, where you fit in, what you wear, who your friends are, and balancing it off with school doesn’t make it any easier. I remember my first day of 6th grade so easily. I woke up, slipped on my my brown and white floral shirt, green cargo capri pants, and sneakers. My mom walked me to the bus and I saw all of these new faces, that looked almost as nervous as I did.

I walked through the big green doors, and a friendly voice came on the loud speaker. The lady told us to go to our advisory room. As I walked in I saw so many new faces, each one looking at me, checking me out not necessarily in a good way. I wound up sitting with Marissa, a girl who went to my elementary school. I decided to hang out with her and her friends. We weren’t popular whatsoever, and that was something I craved and desired.

At lunch everyday I watched the “popular girls” get attention from the boys, and make everything they did look easy. I thought often to myself things like “I can totally hang out with them, we’d be best friends”, and “Wow they would love me if I talked to them”. Sadly enough, after months of watching and waiting reality hit me, it knocked the wind out of me. I would never be them and I’d never come close to talking to them.

I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from thinking this. 3 years later I am a freshman at high school, and am even in a worse predicament than I was in, in 6th grade. Currently I have no friends, everyone hates me, i’ve become known as a fake b*tch, and pretty much every where I look I see know one that I can REALLY call my real friend. Of course, you change from 6th grade, for instance in 7th grade I lost weight, grew and straightened my hair, attempted to switch social “groups”, and have the guys like me. None of this worked for me, and it probably won’t ever.

No one’s life is perfect, their’s always something behind the scenes. Finding the right friends is something that can put your life in sync. I’ve had friends that plan to drop out of high school, and some that are going to be the valedictorian. Behind every fake smile, is a girl or boy just searching, searching for who they really are. Best friends come and go, but the only person you REALLY know in this world is yourself. So to whomever is reading this, don’t care what people think of you. In 15 years you won’t even remember, or it would be irrelevant. Be yourself and popularity can go f*** itself because it’s not as cool as you think. Once you get there your just miserable. You may think I don’t know what i’m talking about, but I really really do. And that’s why I wrote this experience, because I don’t want you to turn out like me and a lot of others and be miserable and feel alone and sad in a big world, where it feels like everyone fits in but you.

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