Being me. Some might say it isn't hard, but that is where they are wrong. It isn't as easy as it sounds to be yourself. It isn't easy to be in your own shoes. Sometimes you just wish you could run away from it all, change your life, change your style, change everything. Your friends. Your school. Your family. Yourself. But is it really worth it? My friends are horrible to me. Well, in my eyes anyway. I "start stuff" all the time, and i can't be "trusted" cause i "judge" and "never mind my own business" so i should "back off". But everything they think about me, isn't true. Sure i have other friends, but my friends are like family to me, a really bad family. Influenced by boyfriends and other people. They are influenced by their selfish pride. They are changed. They switch from being themselves to being plastic, or plastic coated. What's even worse is my metal coated friends, the act so for real until it comes to the real matter, the metal fades. I try to keep to myself but i just can't, i bring the truth up, but suddenly i'm starting stuff and everything is pinned on me. Always. I feel like i don't belong anymore. I try to keep my heart a stone and not let anyone or anything in, but stones break, and so does my heart. It isn't only what people say, it's also what people don't say. It's the truth, it's lies, everything i despise, whoa, that rhymes. Anyway i want to change myself really bad, but why should i? Because you want to be popular carly. Oh do i? do i really? yes. I do. if i could right now i would abonadon my so-called friends, all but one.
February 3, 2010