What I meant To Say

January 5, 2010
I told you that I loved you but that’s not what I meant to say. I wanted to ask you why you hurt me and let me walk away. I know I’m not perfect but still I try to be. I love you but I hate you too. I let you in but you never gave me the same. You left broken hearted standing in the rain. I know you love someone else but still you can love me. I am lost and confused and I’ll never be the same. I love you so much and my life was changed when you left.

I know I let you walk away but if only I convinced you why you shouldn't leave. I backed down without a fight and believed all you said to me. If I fought for what was rightfully mine maybe you and I could be happier that ever.

I know imp human and I’m not the only one how makes mistakes come on look at all the ones you've made.

I was still holding on when you let go. I lied so convincingly through my throat. I played along to such a hideous lie. I kept laughing when I wanted to cry. I fought harder when I didn't want to try any longer. And when I was finished and helped you. You let me fall and help myself up. You didn't return the favor of helping. But it made me realize I never said the truth but simple as this: I HATE YOU

That’s what I meant to say. So if you read this, which I hope, you do. Brandon I hate you for breaking me heart. You may have helped me in some ways and when I realize it I will thank you then but until then I love you and I hate you.
I can’t live with or without you. But it’s much more painful to live without so I guess I will suffice.

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