I can sit in a class and be fine. But sometimes i’ll sit in a class for twenty or thirty minutes then all of a sudden I can’t breath, can’t move, can’t think, can’t do anything but panic. Finally after struggling with my self I jump up and run out of the room like the worlds ending. I look like a freak and more then once i’ve had the school security called on me. Those poor substitute teachers never knew what was happoning. But I can’t help it. I have PTSD. (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) Something as stupid as someone droping their books behind me or around me will set me off and send me running. I wish I wasn’t this way but I am. all because of one man. He abused me and now i’m the school freak. i’m the one that can leave class when ever she wants and i’m the one that you should be quite around because the second you make a lound noise she’s running like a rabbit out of the room. out of the room and into the bathroom where all I can do is sit, cry, and gasp for air till it’s over. I can’t help it, or stop it. The worst part is having this happon while i’m on the witness stand watching every move of the man I wrongly trusted watching his every move praying I won’t have an attack, then having one.
December 6, 2009