I can't believe it, just yesterday I was happy and carefree but now I can't stand it, I used to like the quiet but now i feel like it's pressuring my chest, pushing it into my back and crushing my heart, I can't stand the way it doesn't sound "AAAAAHHHHHH" I screamed hoping to calm myself but it couldn't, didn't, nothing could stop the twisting spiral of emotions running through my head at the moment, I felt as if I would die. It was cold outside, the kind of cold that they hang meat in. At the thought of death I felt sick and wanted to sit but couldn't because of all the tombstones that screamed loneliness and pain of loss at me. Through every pore of my body I could feel all of the carved stone angels staring at me, judging me, watching to see if I would cry. At first I thought I would, but then I put my hands in my pockets and started to walk, the crunch of leaves under my feet like the cracking of bones made me shiver. I made it home an hour after everyone else had said goodbye, the demons of the long day still clung to my subconscious like dried dirt. I didn't sleep at all that night.
October 22, 2009