crushed

September 19, 2009
I knew I shouldn’t have gone, it was too soon and I was still crushed. All my friends said he was going to be there. Of course he was he was on a team, and to be perfectly honest I didn’t care if he was there. I didn’t care that I was heartbroken and he was the one responsible for it, because truthfully I wanted to see him, see his reaction.

So here I am walking through the doorway hands shaking in my hoodie pocket and head down looking at the floor, the now “usual” for me. I look up and instantly my face goes expressionless and there my heart goes again dropping into my stomach. He’s right there what’s the big deal? I knew he would be. But the big deal is he’s with a girl. My minds blank and I’m just standing there looking at him, frozen. I snap out of it and start frantically looking for a way out of this massive room before he sees me. Oh, but he saw me alright there’s no doubt about that. And he saw exactly what I didn’t want him to see, me slipping deeper into my depression. Suddenly I feel a body behind me, it’s Liv my best friend.

“I told you this wasn’t a good idea, you’re upset.”

“I didn’t know he had a girlfriend, I thought I would be fine...”

“I know it’s hard, trust me, but we can leave if you want I have to go to target anyways.”

“No Liv, I gotta do this, its fine.”

Now I’m literally standing right behind them, deciding if I should walk past them. I’m no longer there, physically I am, but I, myself, have drifted off, because frankly this is becoming too much for me to stand. My whole bodies shaking at this point and is covered in a cold sweat. I know everyone’s staring at me, listening to my heart pounding, watching my eyes swell up with tears that are not yet ready to fall. I knew I knew seeing him after everything was going to be difficult, but hell not this difficult. I didn’t think it was going to tear me up like this.





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