Two years ago I went with my schoolyear on a trip to Berlin. I was excited. I finally want on a trip without my parents and with my friends. At this point the only friends I had in school were the girls from my class. I didn’t really know anybody from the other two classes.

My class was the exceled students. We were so called “smarter” then the other classes. We were the tiny class with 17 students while the other classes had about 30 each. Our class was really close and we knew each other really good.

In the beginning of my third year we got a new student in our class. And soon I started to get a little crush on him. We became really close and I was so excited when I found out he also went on the trip. We were so close that it was strange that we weren’t a couple yet.

But the day was there, it was time to meet up at school at 5 p.m. and get on the bus. It was a long drive, but I was sitting next to my best friend and happy that my crush was sitting in the seats in from of me. He would lower his seat so we could watch a movie together while my best friend was fast asleep next to me. The whole way home was okay. It was just a normal drive.

When we got at the hotel me and my best friend went to our room. We had our own room for 2 persons. The window had a little place where you could sit nice, so I claimed my spot.

The first real day of our trip my best friend and I became friends with two girls, Madeline and Lola (names changed of course), that had the room above us. I don’t really remember how, but I’m happy we did. In the evening we went on a walk with the whole group. And at the time I wish we didn’t. I was standing in the crowd and behind me I heard my crush talk to someone.

“So if I ask M to be my girlfriend I get 10 euro’s?”

 This broke my heart. I started crying my eyes out and Madeline pulled me away from him. He tried to follow me but my friend kept pulling me away. That evening we went to a Christmas market. But first we decided to eat at KFC. And you never guess who walked in. Yeah, my crush. He walked towards our table and Madeline started to get angry and kept trying to get him away. He went away after she yelled at him:

“Leave her alone. She is gay okay!”

I’m not gay at all, but I was happy she said that. He didn’t hesitate and left. I cried so much that night. My best friend allowed me to sleep in her bed with her, which we continued the rest of the trip.

The next day I tried to be around my new friends as much as possible. I met the best friend of Madeline. We got along really well and he found out a way to get me smiling again. He would start singing a song and I knew the rest of the lyrics and I finished it. We had the most fun with just singing a song. I will just call him Aidan for now. I also figured out that some of the guys from her friend group made the bet with my crush. They told me they made a massive mistake and didn’t mean to let it end like this. They promised me if they would get the money from him not asking me they would give it to me. We ended up eating at Mc Donald’s and I stayed with that group of friends for the rest of my high school years.

Well some things changed with my friend group. My best friend at the time became really mean for some reason. So at the beginning of my final school year we didn’t really have any contact anymore. Madeline and Aidan had a massive fight and weren’t friends anymore. Lola kind of claimed my then called best friend and became kind of mean as well. But Madeline stayed friends with them. I also stayed friends with the girl from my class. So at that point I kind of had three groups of friends. The guys from Berlin, the girls from my class and the girls from Berlin. I mostly spend time with the guys and the girls from my class.

Fast forward some time. I graduated from high school as a straight A student. So our next stop became college. I´m now in the middle of my first year. Madeline, Aiden, my old best friend and I decided to go to the same college in my city. But we all decided to do a different study. I went for the study with mentally disabled and elderly. Madeline decided to go for nurse. My old best friend decided to go for juridical. And Aidan decided to go for economics.

I didn’t really see my old best friend anymore. She kind of didn’t exist for me anymore and so did I for her. Madeline and I stayed good friends and we still are. But Aidan and I became closer and closer. We became so close that we started to call each other best friends.

Of course I made a lot of new friends as well. A quickly became friends with a guy named Noah (name changed), he is a guy that reminded me of Madeline. I also became friends with a girl named Joan. She is like the typical white girl. But she is really kind and I like being around her. I also became friends with a guy that lives in a village next to my city. His name is Drake. Of course I made more friends, but these are the ones I’m around most and I truly like being around.

But everything changed when I got the news. Aidan his girlfriend decided to break up with him. And for some reason that made him tell me about his mental problems. Well, most of you can already think of what I´m about to say, but for the ones that don’t, he is bipolar. This is kind of like depression, but a little different. It’s hard to explain. He also told me why his girlfriend broke up with him. She couldn’t handle his depression, so she left. Well that was the reason in the beginning, but the other I will tell later.

He had told me many times:

“You should leave me, I’m not good for you.”

But every time I told him that I’m the on that decides if I leave or not. And that I’m not a type of person that just leaves like that. Especially when it is someone I truly care about.