Anti-bullying posters plastered all over the walls. By the water fountains, in the bathrooms, and on every corner. The administrators don't practice what they preach. The school year of 2010-11 was a difficult year for me. It was 7th grade and all my friends were changing and having a different lease on life. I stayed the same, a sugar sweet, goofy, energetic girl. Well I saw how different I was from them and how we were drifting away with every wave like movement. So I decided to become someone I wasn’t meant to be just to fit in. I began to listen to music I always hated, wear clothes that wasn’t suited for my liking. I was a life size Barbie. My disguise fooled everyone for a while then like a weed in a daisy garden. People began to see through it like I had turned into Casper. The decoy started to morph into who I really was like a virus on a computer. I guess I was trying too hard and people started to notice. All that year I forgot who I was. Every day the taunting stuck to me like honey and pollen. I remember asking my mother not to send me back to school because of the teasing. She took me to school and saw what I was talking about. Teachers stood back pretending that they were not listening and my “friends” were no help. I changed to please them and my confidence was crushed by the boulders of insults. Even though my “friends” were no help I still hung with them like they were my protection. I’ve known them since elementary and middle school so I can’t abandon them. Through the 2011-12 school year times were better because I created a brick box to keep people out and to stop the piercing pain of the other kids. I never thought about those who really wanted to help me and become my friends. They were pushed out and kept out by my fortress. My French class was full of the people that sling insults at me whenever they got the chance. So towards the middle of the year I couldn’t take it anymore. I walk into my classroom before the teacher had arrived. I was standing right at the door debating whether or not we should all be in the classroom unsupervised. Then these two boys who were in my French class said “there are no French fries over here goodbye.” I was pissed, I grabbed the first thing I saw, a textbook, and I watched it slice through the air and miss my target. Then I grabbed a chair, and I chased the two boys around the classroom like wild animals and i released the chair like a catapult. Ms. Marche my teacher walked in as soon as I picked up another textbook ready to fire and told me “Go to the office!” I didn’t argue with the tomato red face. I called home and took my suspension. I didn’t get in much trouble but I knew that I was wrong so I apologized to the boys and their families. Later at home I attempted to commit suicide. I didn’t get caught until I said “If I were dead everyone’s lives would be better!” My sister told my mother and that’s when my mom decided to talk to me and I told her everything. Concerned and crushed she talked to me and provided all the help and support anyone could ask for. I love my mom more that life but I’m doing a terrible job in showing it. I appreciate everything my mother does for me and I’m glad she is mine. We have our moments but who doesn't. I was never truthful with my mother in fact I was a liar and yes I do still but I’m human I can make mistakes. We are working on our relationship and we have become much closer. Once I opened up and talked to my mother I felt like the world was being lifted off my shoulder. At my aunt and grandmother's house my cousin Stephanie and I were watching Phat Girlz a movie starring MoniQue the comedian. My cousin told me that she says P.H.A.T (Pretty, Hot, And, Thick). I immediately fell in love with the word Phat. When I was called fat at school it stung but I remembered P.H.A.T and I looked into my predators eyes and said “Thank you”. With a deep look of frustration and weakness in their eyes they would try and nit-pick at me to find insults. When people said that I was fat it was no longer a bullet but a pillow launched from a pillow fight. I’ve learned that if you accept, and internalize what people say about you then it will define who you are but if you brush it off (which isn't easy) then you are stronger than they are. “I am the author of my life and unfortunately Im writing in pen.” Im going to make mistakes, be insulted and do stupid things but I’m going to let them define me and make me who I am and will become. I thought I was alone until I was in high school. A fresh start and I started with my pity party but the second week of high school on Friday, August 31, 2012 at about 12:45 pm I met this girl, Jordan “Jenna” Emily, and the way we met was awkward. Our first conversation started with me saying “Hi, you don’t know me and I don’t know you but can I have some gum?” She looked at me, then screamed “I don’t know you!” and ran. I really wanted gum so I chased her down, which didn’t last long because we both got tired. Then we stopped and laughed at each other. In the end I got my gum and an unexpected best friend for life. Jenna understood who I was and what I was going through. Unbelievable right, We had the same experiences. We bonded through our negative times our love for candy and The Cheetah Girls, but most of all support and love for each other. Jenna and I became sisters. As we became closer we began to open up to each other. The day that made us bond and inseparable was the day that Jenna told me about herself. She told me about her biological Mom and Dad. There wasn’t much that she could tell me because she didn’t know much about them herself. As she broke down and poured her heart out to me I began to see who this stranger really was. Inside she was a broken, missing a crucial part of who she is. Even though I couldn’t tell her that I could feel her pain, I did promise her that I will always be there for her and I will listen. Meeting Jenna wasn’t an accident, it was fate. She needed someone to trust and I needed someone that could bring my true self out. When we are together in public, people look at us like we completely lost our minds. We have a theme song, that’s how you know we are both insane but that we love each other. Jenna and I have our moments but no matter what we can never stay mad at each other. All we have to do is look at each other and we burst into laughter. I’m Jenna’s human diary; we tell each other everything no matter how painful or embarrassing it may be. Then we text at times we will take turns texting each other the lyrics to our favorite song, Who’s Laughing Now by Jessie J, or our theme song, Oath by Cher Lloyd. Our nicknames for each other are Jenna Bear for her and Camii Bear for me. There’s this thing that we love to do with our hands, it’s called waffling. We interlock our hands together and walk down the hall. It’s funny because when it’s time for fifth period on an ODD day schedule we will walk to my class French II and when it’s time for her to go she grips my hand even tighter like she doesn’t want to let go. Even going to her home, we were completely insane. I made dinner and dessert; she made soda from the Soda Stream system. For hours we laughed danced, sang and talked. It was like I always come over her house when in reality it was my first time being there. I’ve become completely comfortable with Jenna. She is family now. If I were to lose my Jenna Bear it would be like ripping my heart out and burning it. In the middle of the school year she had boy troubles. Her now ex-boyfriend broke up with her and she seemed distant so I pulled her to the side and asked her what was going on. She burst with tears, these mumbles words gargled through her tears. I calmed her down and gave her a hug. I told her “You’re his loss; you are the most loving, kind, unique, person I have ever met. Don’t let him take over Your Life.” Sitting and thinking to myself always seems to help me figure out who I am. I’ve learned that I don’t like myself for who I am. I just don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. My mom and dad tell me “you’re sweet” or “you’re beautiful in your own way”. Yet all I see is this timid, big, acne prone teenager. Admitting this makes me feel like I’m dying inside. I hide how I truly feel about myself. I lack an important personality trait, confidence. Janna showed me this amazing quote one day “Often Imitated Never Duplicated” and she said “People wish they had your personality, your golden heart, and your beauty. All in all They wish they were you!” This girl is a blessing telling me that no matter what you don’t have to change for everyone because some people love who I am. Jenna decided to let this Barbie dress herself, choose her words, and express herself. My mother is my life and she helped me change my life. Having Jenna is just the icing on the chocolate cake. She helped me be myself. That’s all I could ever ask for. It’s like we were meant for each other. The universe wanted us together, because we could help each other. Who would think that asking someone for gum would lead to a life changing experience? There is always someone out there just for you. They might be right under your nose! Today this chair throwing, raging volcano is a somewhat level headed limited edition human being. I have a loving family, amazing friends and a sister for life who helped me become who I am today.