Not Much Time

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Tossing and turning, wondering why it’s so difficult to sleep, In less than 5 hours I go back to my first week in school. I manage to doze off every so often just to get woke up again by the papers moving about on my wood dresser. I find a way to block out all of the sounds and slowly start to drift off. “BO”! Is the next thing that brings me to conscious, my heart stops? I know something’s wrong. Before I can even process what’s going on one foot is in front of the other and out my bedroom door I go. The next thing I see is probably the last thing I ever wanted to. My dad in the bathtub lying there motionless with my mother standing over top of him tears pouring down her face yelling at me to dial 911. All I could do was fall. My sister rushed out of her room talking on the phone. I could only here her for a brief moment and all I recall was her giving the dispatcher our address. I managed to get on my feet I couldn’t take the yelling anymore I ran out through the front door I just wanted to wake up. Trying to convince myself it was all a dream I hit myself over and over, feeling nothing it was real. The ambulance pulled up accompanied with a fire truck I pointed to the front door and they went in. The next thing I knew we were in the car racing to the hospital. I kept repeating over and over it was going to be ok. The hospital fixes people all the time it was going to get better from here. I remember walking through the front door of Monroe I could have sworn everyone was staring at me. All I wanted was my daddy to be ok to hug me and tell me he loved me one last time. 6:03 AM Lori the charge nurse walked out and put her arm around me. Good news was nowhere to be found she told me they tried everything they could and he just didn’t make it. I suddenly had the urge to cry to be angry to tell them what a horrible job they did saving my father. It all happened to fast I didn’t want my mom to comfort me or my sister to hold me I wanted my dad and he was the thing I wasn’t allowed to have.

I still hear my mom scream it’s a nightmare I can’t escape. Waking up all hours of the night to run into my mom’s room checking the side of the bed my dad normally slept and feeling the cool empty sheets gets me every time. Sometimes I call his phone, not for him to answer but to pretend for that moment that its dialing he might just pick up and magically be on the other end. He never will be. I get so angry when my friends complain about their problems about their boyfriends or about how their mom made them mad. I wish I had those problems instead of losing my father. He was my best friend and not being able to talk to him gets me upset. The littlest things remind me of him. The reason I could not focus in class and get any work done wasn’t because I was feeling lazy and just decided to push your work aside to catch up on some much needed rest. The reason I couldn’t get work done is because as i glanced up to the board I noticed the date. I noticed just how close December was, meaning I will be sixteen soon. Most people find that exciting to turn sixteen. It’s the age you get your license, its overall just a big event in most people’s life. My dad used to talk to me for hours about what I wanted to drive and what kind of party I wanted to throw. It breaks my heart to think I won’t be looking forward to any of it. I told my mom I didn’t want a big party like me and my dad had planned that I just wanted to stay home and have a little get together. It hurts my mom to. She wants to be able to give me the car I want to drive and give me a birthday I will remember but without my dad I don’t want any of it. As we sit in class this is constantly going through my head I could go on and on, trying to explain to you how I feel but it’s pointless. It won’t bring my father back. So no I didn’t come into class with the intention of blowing off your work to focus on my life and the state of mind I was in. I came in to learn and one little date on the board located in the right hand corner made me realize just how much I missed my father. My thinking then went from there racing back and forth. By the time I realized what was going on it was time for writing prompt. So here I am telling you just how hard it is for me to get my mind off of one of the most important things in my life I lost and can never have back.





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