You never know how bad you want something till your back is against the wall. As a child I never knew what it meant to be with out a Christmas or even with out a birthday. Six years ago I was happy with all the great things I had. My life was easy go to school get nice things and show off to people who never had it. Although showing off was never my style it made my mom happy. In my eyes I had the best girl in the world and friends to match. With all this happiness I could have never imagine myself in the situation im in now. Slowly all the things I had to excite me are either leaving are being sold. Now that my back is pinned to this wall I start to realize something. Once your back is against the wall you see everything . Its as if your being reborn in away or a second chance to make it your own. Since ive been here it showed me who are my real friends , it also showed me who I am. See once your back is against the wall theirs only two choices you have to make. Either you sit and watch your life crumble or you stand to do something about that situation. So far I just sat here and watched my life crumble since it seems the more I try its the more I fall. Though I know I haven’t really did all that much since every time I begin to start. My cycle repeats , I would like some help but its so hard to ask when all you see is the same pain from door to door. Its gotten so bad that people began to get crazy, not only for the situation but once the holidays pass bills are coming in. I try to think positive but all I see in the news is a fight just to make it through the day. I fill out job applications but what if I don’t get whats next? I write to get my pain out , but its just not enough since I have a long distance relationship. My worries never seems to end ,I don’t cry anymore because there is no point. I have no help because there is no other family members to ask,well besides my mother. I live with my mom, being an 18 year old its hard watching your mom struggle. I mean knowing you can do something, but it sucks when there is no opportunities coming your way. Deep down inside my entire body feels like its falling apart, I try not to make my mom know. Though truly I wish she did know some how without me saying it, because I need some sort of wisdom. College is on my mind but I really don’t see how I can afford it. In the back of my mind im scared that I might not be able to attend. All I want is a way to get a chance just make my mom proud.