Metamorphis

November 14, 2011
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6th grade was truly the calm before the storm. The fact of the matter is I was an egg. I was ignorant to the outside world and still needed to grow. My attire consisted of atrocious polo’s in various shades of blue that were so big they seemed to eat me. My sense of style was non-existent. I had no interest in any type of relationship whatsoever (still don’t) and was generally swarmed by a mass of loveable smarty goody to shoes (no disrespect).I lived in the library yet the books I choose consisted of Stephen King ,Manga, and b class horror fiction. My heart pumped for gym. I was a muse like those in Greek mythology (or choir girl), and the only club I wanted any participation in was book club. I could not function properly if I had not had my dose of physical affection. I was (still) high maintenance and spent my time alone.
Then there was the matter of my other half. She was social, ghastly and associated herself with unruly children of our grade. In the end she was caught in her own web to which I was enlightened. Not knowing how her punishment would involve me. Our creator (without my input) deemed us both deviants and we were to both be removed at once to a place were we not tainted with the venom that is public school but none of this was to be known to us lease an outbreak were to occur(sadly they could only postpone the inevitable for so long). On the last days of my public school life the students of our grade had the opportunity to partake in the end of the year field trip to The Alamo Theatre and watch “UP!”. I had gone (yet not my Other Half) and acquainted myself to an unusual girl by the name of Madison. We chew the fat (talked) and found that our stories intersected in many ways. It came to be a grand shock as we found each other at This School for 7th grade though it seemed more a prison to me than school with factors such as uniforms and laws rather than rules.

As Madison and I got closer I got a taste of what I wanted in life. Then a month later into my prison sentence Madison reintroduced me to an old friend whose name was “Freak On A Leash” and as I not only listened to the art but lived by it I unintentionally changed my course for life. Maddy didn’t just open the door for me rather she grabbed a bulldozer and forcibly destroyed the foundations that I once set up for myself. Another month went by and she violated my heart with “Right Now” and “Y’all Want A Single” both of which were rather malicious themed. At the time of consumption I was in the state of resentment. Constantly trying to decipher my situation and picking myself apart. Asking why and I would later blame myself, for this was a punishment. How could this have come to be?!?! I was a fairly good child yet I was wrongly accused for a crime I had no involvement. I loathed my other half, my creator and I. Every time (Other Half) would open her mouth to complain, I would instantly shut it down. She deserved to be here! I was hurt by the creators I trusted and they couldn’t sustain me with an answer to this predicament. My own self loathing came from the fact that I should have voiced out my displeasure I should have fought but I hadn’t I was disgusted and ashamed. I was lost between righteous anger and remorse. Everything I knew was dismembered before my eyes. Soon my anger subsided as if I went into a void. The egg I once was grew, I became a mantid not quite an adult but obviously not a child. I had changed. I embraced it. I loved it. I put a collar on it and owned it!

It was liberating and by then it was the 3rd six weeks half of the school year and for music we were told to do a presentation on an artist. Of course I deemed this a perfect opportunity to know of the life behind the voice. A Jonathon. I was quite enthralled by him. I did not love him per say as I loved the idea of him. (Lie, I do love him!) With every strum of the guitar, every note sung and beat of a drum I was drawn in like a moth to a bright light.

When I listened to some of their more thoughtful work I began to safely question myself on my beliefs, life style and just myself in general. The only way I could truly happy was to be true to myself. I peeled myself apart layer by layer. By the end of the year I noticed the change. My new attire consists of unisex clothes of all colors and styles. My nose is still buried in a book but these books hold more truth than childish morals. My arms are now wrapped around myself. I am more guarded. I push people away as if diseased. I don’t hate myself or love myself but then I never really did. I understand life is unfair and the world is cold. I no longer agree with everything my creators tell me. People will have no sympathy for idle problems and any weakness will be smelled out like bloody meat to a pack of wolves. I refuse to succumb to the weight of the world. I refuse to be a brownnosed two face whose only ambition in life is to get back at someone (wasting their life in my opinion). No, I choose to live my life the way I want to. I slice away all ties with naysayers and vain social monsters. My mind, my heart and my ears are open to all. Just be sure your intentions are true. Gone is the egg in its place is a Mantis.





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