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Please forgive me

By , Georgia, GA
They say god has everyone life planned out before they are born, but why did he plan my life this way. Everyday since I was four I was abused. Bloody noises, black eyes, swollen lips, and ect. filled my body. I remember the day when I dropped a piece of bread on the floor and she, my mother, beat me for hours straight. She beat me with her belt and fist over and over. Bruises where marked all over my body for weeks, leaving the question of my peers and teachers how I got them. They would ask me what happened but I would just make up excuses. I know you are probably thinking that if I was in such danger why wouldn’t I just tell someone, but truth is I was scared. I was scared that if I told someone ,and she found out that she would do more than just beat me ,but probably kill me , so I stayed quiet. Time pasted and summer is coming and my mom wasn’t making enough to send me to summer camps so she sent me to my grandmother house for the summer. I had never meet her before but I had a plan to make her fall in love with me, tell her what my mother was doing to me, than have her adopt me and take me from this horrible life I’m living,. When I first arrived at my grandmother’s house I instantly fell in with her. She was so nice and sweet; she was like a dream come true. I was just waiting for the right time to tell her what my mom was doing to me. I waited and waited but I felt like there was never a right time. Months past and she soon became my favorite person in the world and I became hers, but at this time summer was about to end in two weeks, and I still haven’t told her. Then it came to, I would tell her what was happening to me on the last day. When the last day came thoughts ran through my mind, I being to think what if I tell her and she doesn’t want to adopt me or she doesn’t believe me. When I thought of these things tears started to run down my cheeks. While I’m crying my grandmother walks in the room and said, “Is there something you want to talk about”. I was frozen I didn’t know what to say then all of a sudden I whispered “It’s nothing grandma”. She said “Ok well get your bags its time to go”. While grabbing my bags I thought about the life I was about to go back to so I started to get mad. When my grandma asked me questioned or tried to engage friendly conversation in the car I would just catch attitudes, because I was mad. I was trying to make her mad for me being mad but nothing was working, then all of a sudden I pulled out my cell phone and started playing ringtones loud and she said “turn that off!” but I laughed and played it louder and she yelled again “turn that off!” but this time she took her eyes off the road to grab the phone than BAM! a car hit us from behind and my face hit the glass. We span into the middle of the street and I was crying and screaming and my grandmother was trying to keep me calm than BAM! another car hit us. My grandmother’s stomach went through the steering wheel and it was blood everywhere. I being to pray, I prayed that god would take away my life and spear hers. I prayed for a miracle but nothing happened. I put my ear to her chest to see if I could hear a heart beat but there was nothing. No heart beat, no pulse, nothing. I kissed her forehead and told her I loved her. I stayed holding her hand into a paramedic came. They say everything happens for a reason, but what was the reason for that. Is god getting back at me for not telling on my mom? Was he mad I dropped the last piece of bread on the floor when I was six? I am the cause of the death of my favorite person and the world





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