The Past...

By , Limerick, ME
“Stop! Dad stop, mammas crying...stop.” I hear my brother, Kyle screeching, as I run down the stairs, and see, mamma with a knife in her hand, daddy bleeding on his ankles, and wrists. “What is going on” I howl. “I don’t know” Kyle tries to screams over there voices. “Daddy saw mamma get of a motor cycle with another guy, and when she came in, he asked her about it and she lied, so they starting arguing, and that turned into this.” Kyle explained to me. It was a very scary sight for us to be seeing at such a young age. Daddy screaming to me, to call the police, Kyle screaming at the top of his lungs to just stop, and mamma yelling at the same time, if I do then I would get kicked out. That was it, once I heard that come out of her mouth, I got really scared. I knew in a way she would, because she hated me. “Was mom really going to kick me out of the house, if I call on daddy for help? I do not understand,” I questioned myself over and over again. Daddy was trying to leave, so I was pilling boxes in front of the door, Screaming “Daddy please don’t go, don’t leave me, daddy stop it. “I’m not leaving you,” Dad your lying, you always say you wont, and then you lie and leave anyway. I love you daddy, but it seems like you do not care, and leave me, and Kyle with mom, knowing that she is an alcoholic, and is abusive I cried. “Honey, I want to take you with me, but as it is I have no place to go, stay here for the night, and daddy will be back in the morning to get you and your brother.” Daddy saying so calmly, as if he is going to start crying any second. Dad left. Mama cut her self and threw her self on the floor, then called the police. She told them that, daddy had done this. I knew that was not the truth. She just wanted daddy put in jail, so she could abuse us even more. My mother had told the police, that Kyle and I were a witness. The police then asked Kyle and I what we had saw. I went into my room while Kyle told the police what he saw. Then he went into his room while I talked to the police about what I saw. I told the police that mama had jumped off a motor cycle with another guy, and her and daddy got into a big fight I came down the stairs and mama had a knife in her hand, daddy was bleeding on his ankles and wrists. I told him that I tried to call the police but mamma said that if I did she would kick me out. I was scared to tell them that mamma had purposely hurt her self, just to put daddy in jail. I kew that if I had told them, either mamma and daddy would both be going to jail, and me and my brother would have to go into foster care, or mamma would hurt me too. The police had just left, when I went into Kyle’s room, to talk to him, and make sure he was okay. Daddy had called from jail a few hours later, and mamma was out on the couch. I answered, and I told him what mamma did, and how drunk and abusive she has been since he left. I was a little upset at daddy, for lying to me again, he told me that, he would be back in the morning to pick me and Kyle up, but at the same time I understood that he couldn’t because he was put in jail. I thought in a way it was just another big excuse. Daddy told me that he was going to take care of this, but I new by the sound of his voice, that it was not going to be something good. I did not want to even think about this, about how abusive my mother was towards me and Kyle. The police had shown up at the doorstep, in the middle of the afternoon the next day. I kew that this was about the conversation my dad and I had yesterday. My mother was drunk on the couch. I had answered the door. They came into the house, woke up my mother, and she left in handcuffs. She was screaming, at the cop, telling him that he had no right to be coming into her house and doing this in front of her kids. I knew that she did not care, she just told him that to make him feel bad. This was sad, I still loved my mother, even after everything she had done. To see her walk out of the doors in handcuffs was really hard for Kyle and I. Right as the police walked out the door with mommy, another walked in. He told Kyle and I, that we were going to stay in a shelter, until my mother and father got things straightened out. I was so scared, and had so many questions running through my head, I didn’t have anything to say. I ran up to my room, stood in front of my bed and knelt down on my knees. I asked god to please take care of my brother and I, and to take care of my mother and father. I asked him to always watch over my family, and to make sure we go to a safe and happy place, were Kyle and I will be together through anything. I wanted to make sure Kyle, was with me. Even though I was younger than him, I wanted to watch over him. Kyle was like my side kick, we did everything together, and every fight we got into, did not last very long. I do not know what I would do without my big brother. The police had, came up to my room, with Kyle right beside him. I was crying, and felt like a total idiot. I did not know what was going on, so many things had just happened so fast. I had really nothing to say to anyone, I was so hurt. Just knowing that my mother was doing this, to her own children. I then told the police, that mamma had hurt herself, just to put daddy in jail. The police shook his head and said, “there was a few things your daddy, had been put in jail for”. I asked what those things were, but since he was not my parent, he did not have the right to tell me. I also knew that in the past daddy had been charged with domestic violence, stealing, and doing drugs. Kyle and I both helped each other pack, during the process, we were talking about was just happened, and how it happened so fast. We shared each other’s thoughts, and talked about everything. The police had been in the kitchen talking on his cell phone, so it was really the only time that we had alone to talk. Loading the stuff into the police car was really hard for both Kyle and I. I knew that this was the last time I was going to live in this house. We both knew that it was going to take a while for mamma to recover from this bad addiction. I was not worried about were we were going as far as school. I was only in 1st grade, and Kyle in 3rd, so we were still young, yes I was going to miss my friends, but I was still at the age, were it was easy to make a ton more. We had gotten to the shelter. It was nice, but still was not going to be the same. I knew that things were going to be very different, and we had to get used to it. I knew that deep down, this was going to be a better environment. I thought that it was going to be very weird, and different, by changing my habits. For me and Kyle not to get beaten every day, but it was not, and we both liked it. When we got into the house, it was late. It was a large family, they had two girls and a boy, and had just got a boy and a girl. All of the kids were in bed, so it gave us a chance to talk a litlle bit to the people, but it was late so we did not talk very long. The next morning, we woke up at the same time, 8:00 and all of the kids had went to school. Kyle and I had not went to school, because they had to call and transfer, our records. We were out of school for a couple of weeks, while everything was getting transferred. While all the kids, were in school, it gave us time to talk some more, some of the questions I could not answer, or did not know how to answer them. A few weeks later my grandmother had found out about everything, and thought that it would be a good idea to take me and Kyle to live with them. I did not like that fact that she had to call right as we were getting to know them, and getting used to everything, but I new that was also a safe environment to go also. Three days later, my grandmother was there to pick kyle and I up. kyle was telling me before she got there, that he did not want to go. He was not the type of person to switch from house to house. He wanted to pick a house and stay in it, and I was the same way, but it did not work out that way... We moved into my grandmothers, and at this point my mom and dad were no where to be found DHHS had been trying to look for them, calls, emails, letters, newspapers. One day at a court meet, my mom had finally shown up, she said she would sign for my grandmother to have some of the rights. She thought that it would be better for my grandmother, to take care of us, then her at this point. Living at my grandmothers, was going good until Kyle and my grandmother stated getting into little arguments, but it seemed like everyday they were getting bigger and bigger. One day after school, my grandmother and Kyle had got into a big fight. They were screaming at each other, and everything Kyle and I have ever talked about while we were there, about how much he really hated living there, and how he would definitely rather live in a foster home then with her, he told her. In a way I agreed with Kyle, because my grandmother was very controlling, she wanted everything her way, or the highway. We both loved my grandfather, he was not like my grandmother in any way, shape, or form. He wanted to have everything to do with us. He would always take us places, and do anything with his grand children. Kyle and I loved both my grandmother and my grandfather no matter what, but sometimes, she can really drive us insane. A few weeks later, the fights were not getting any better, actually they were getting worse. He had moved in with his best friend, Nate. My grandmother was acting very different, now that Kyle was gone. She was being very nice to me, and letting me hang out with my friends and have a lot of fun. All of a sudden, My mom moved right across the street from my grandmother, with her best friend. She had two daughters herself, one my age and one Kyle's age. We had know then since we were little babies. Things between my grandmother and grandfather started to get a little shaky. They started arguing more and more. I think that this was happening because they both had there different thoughts about their daughter living right across the street. My grandmother was now starting to act like her normal self. With that, and the fighting again, and with me, and my thoughts about my mother, was very hard for me to handle all at once. Now it seemed like she was having arguments with everyone. When we had our arguments, they did not turn out the best. I tried to live with her for as long as I could. I missed Kyle, and really wanted to be back with my big brother. It also did not help that, when he moved, I stopped talking to him, because my grandmother thought that it was going to be better for me. I think that she was just mad, because of the arguments that they got into, and blamed it on me. After a few months, things were just not working out. One day I came home from school, having a really stressed out day, so I told my grandmother what was going on, she did not seem to care and gave me a hard time anyway. I was getting really frustrated with my homework, and my grandmother was asking me a lot of questions, and telling me to do a bunch of stuff. I was very frustrated, and blew up. My grandmother started calling me names and hitting me, that was the last straw, I wanted out. I had tried to call my best friend Courtney, but she would not let me, and she knows that if I call her that it calms me down. Since I could not call Courtney, I tried to go downstairs, were I could have some peace and quiet, to actually think about what was going on. I was on the top of the star case, when my grandfather came up to me, pushed me, and said “Get down there you, I never want to see you again.” I started to cry, I never thought the my grandparents would ever do that to me. No matter what ever happened. My grandmother then called my brothers councilor, and told her a huge lie, so she would not have to deal with me. My brothers councilor, then arrived at the house with the police behind them. I was so terrified, I did not know what the heck was going on. They came into my room and told me that I had to go to the hospital, I was not impressed, I ran out the door into the car. We arrived at the hospital about 20 minutes later, and they took me in to a room, I had no clue what was going on. I was getting really agitated because no one would tell me anything, I thought that I had a right to know what was going on. About a half hour later, three case workers came in to talk to me. I was already upset, and did not feel like talking. As it is I do not like to talk to people, especially when I have not even met them before, and they were expecting me to tell them my whole life story, and open up to them like it was no big deal.. but it was for me. They were asking a many questions, and asking if I wanted to go back. I told them no, that I had, had enough. I told them that I did not want to leave forever, but to just take a break for the weekend. On top of all this it was Valentine's Day weekend. I could not believe that this was happening, I really just wanted a good Valentines Day this year, to let me know that someone really does love me, because my day to day life does not show me that. My grandmother had then came into my room and told me that I was going to spend the weekend with her best friend, Jack and Beth. I refused to go, I did not even know them that well, and was not going over there for Valentines Day weekend. In a way I really just wanted to go back to my grandmothers, because I was so scared, that I was going to have to go into foster care again, and I did not want that. We were arguing about where I was going, when my grandfather walked into the room and told my grandmother, that she needed to stop, if I did not want to go to Jacks, then she could find her own place, for all I care, she can sleep on the streets. After that conversation, I had changed my mind about everything, I did not want to go back to live with her again. I do not want to live there, if that was what they really felt. I know that some people, say things like that probably just because they are mad, but I believe that you should think before you speak. A few minutes later, one of the case workers had came in and told me the different options. I refused to go to any of them. I knew that I had friends that would take me in for the weekend, but they just wanted everything to go their way. Because I had refused to go to any of my options, I asked them if they could please call Kim, which is were my brother was staying. They really did not want to, because they were not a fan of Kim. I had made the call, she was on her way. In the meantime I had been getting to know the social worker that had gradually been talking to me through the night. I was a little upset, that I had been leaving my grandmother, I new that she had done a lot for me and tried her best, but in a way I feel like at times, she just gave up. At the same I was very excited, that I was going to spend the weekend and more with Kyle and Kim. I new that I was going to a safe environment, and I was going to be happy. It was 1:00PM, when Kim showed up. I was crying, I was scared but, I knew that it was going to be the best place for me, and I was going to be able to see my brother every day. I was really sick and tired of fighting, I wanted to get away from it, and stay away. I had spent valentines day weekend with them, and went to school that Monday. After school, I went in to my room and started doing homework, when Kim got home she game into my room, and asked to talk to me. She asked me if i was interested in joining the family, if i wanted to stay with her forever, I said yes very quickly. We were talking about what happen with my grandmother, and my past. As you can tell it did not work out that way. I had spent two years with Kim. Kyle was getting older and we were loosing the relationship that we used to have. I think that part of the reason was because when he moved away from my grandmother, I was not aloud to see him. It made me upset that our relationship was getting weaker, but I knew and will always know that what ever happens, he is my big brother, and we will always love each other. At the end of sixth grade I was still living with Kim, but it was not going all that good. In June, I went to sweeter, I needed to go somewhere, but Kim would not let me to go to any friends house, and at that point I did not have the best relationship with my grandmother, so I did not want to go there. I had went to Sweeter, to get away from the family, and to learn, and practice some coping skills. I was there for about a week and a half. They would come up and we would have meetings, with both Kim and Rick, and the councilor, to see how I was. On the way home, we were talking, and out of the blue she told me that I was going to move with my aunt, In North Carolina. They all thought that it would be a good place for me to go because, I had such a great relationship with her, and it would be better because they thought that I needed more one on one time and Kim could not do that. When I had heard about the news, I had mixed feelings, i was very upset, sad, angry, happy, and a little excited. I was very upset because I had one day of school left, which ment that I had one day to say goodbye to all my friends, and I felt bad putting this on them on the last day of school. I thought that I would never be able to see them again. I really did not want to move again, I just wanted to be able to talk about, and fix our problems. I did not want to leave and go all the way to North Carolina, and have to meet new friends. The hardest part of leaving was my friends. I really thought that this was going to be it. I thought that this was going to be the last move, but it was not. When I moved I went through a stage, where I felt that everyone was trying to keep me away from my parents. I missed them a lot. All I wanted to do was at least talk to them. I felt that this was everyones fault but theres, I did not want to look at it as if they left me, did not care for me, or did anything that they did. I had not seen them in 6 years, and I waited to make sure they were okay. I called Kyle to find out my dads number, because when I was living there he would talk to him. He did not have the number anymore but he had my cousin Lauren’s number. I had not talked to this side of the family for over six years, so calling them was very awkward. I called Lauren, she had been still living with her parents, (my aunt and uncle, Stephen and Heather). I asked her if she new my dads number, she did not but my uncle did. I got his number and my uncle Matts number. My uncle and I had such a good relationship, i would always go over to his house, i would never want to leave. We had such a strong relationship from the time I was about 8, when my grandmother took me in to live with her, and took me away from my dads side of the family. My grandmother and grandfather was not a huge fan of my dad, they hated him. my mom would always hurt herself and then go running to her mother, and told them that he did this. They believed her, and ever since then has hated him. Since they hated him, they thought that his whole side of the family would be like that. I called both my dad and uncle. I told them that I needed to leave and that I was in north carolina. I really wanted my dad to do something, I wanted him to go to what he needed to get his kids back..but it did not all work out the way I planned it to, But now looking back, I am glad what happened, happened. I am now living with my aunt and uncle, and am really happy. Living here has changed my life.





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Eilleen said...
Mar. 23, 2011 at 1:02 pm
This has a great theme of finding a home and someone that cares... I recommend you read Lost boy by Dave Pelzer... I love the emotion and how honest and true this is although there were a lot of grammatical errors and it could've been shorter... By only taking the most important events and using a thesaurus for better word choice you can make this story even better....I'm glad things have worked out for you in the end!
 
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