I grew up everywhere on the West coast, but it does not define the person I am. I remember waking up, and smelling my grandma's good cooking. But now that I don't have her as close as we should be still, it is nothing but a memory. I've grown up more in the past few years than anyone I know, with growing up I learned that nothing really goes your way like it used to in kindergarten when you wanted that kid sitting next to you to share his yellow crayon for your sun, &the teacher made sure to make you share. I will be honest, I hate school! And it will probably be the only thing i can rely on to get me far in life, with no family with money.
But that's not the point, this wasn't what I wanted to talk to you about. What I wanted to talk to you about was more personal, and something I can't even tell my mom about. Growing up, I was boy crazy. I believed love and happiness defeats any other power out there, only because if we didn't have it we would be no where. I wish I could tell you that the boy I lost my virginity to and I were still together, happily. But that is not the case, I waited and waited, and waited for him to make up his mind to tell me if he wanted it to work. Even when we had that scare at fourteen to be having his child, we still couldn't make it. He was my best friend before that, going in and out of rehab and doing thing's it was obvious he shouldn't be doing, I was there. I think the reason why he always kept me there sitting on the side lines was because i couldn't give him up, and anything he wanted i would give to him. But now, that i've seen how a person can change, and become someone you wouldn't even imagine would be that person, i've learned that life is not easy.
My parents hated him, and begged me to stop seeing him; but i just could not let it go, until now. I've became a better person thanks to him, i know what is wrong, and what is right for myself. It may have took a while, but it was well worth my time. Still thinking about our first kiss still give me butterflies, all our memories are implanted in my brain. No matter how hard i try to shake, bang, or cry them out they will not.
Dustin is not apart of my life anymore, though it was hard letting go, and leaving him alone for him to be happy&me to be happy in the long run, I know it's best.
I regret to tell you that my pregnancy ended shortly before Dustin and I broke up. It hit him hard, he didn't know how to cope with the fact that he could've been a father, so young and so into drug's. My mother still does not know, and neither does some of my closest friends; I can't lie anymore, and this is where i came to.
My life is something that cannot be replaced, i've made mistakes only I will learn from, and I have learned from them; otherwise they wouldn't be mistakes. Just thing's that hurt you in the long run, I know that I can never take back how depressed I was to know I lost the most innocent thing on the planet, that doesn't deserve it. But once I am old enough to take care of myself, and that child! I know I will be a good mother, when I actually deserve to have such an amazing gift from god.