Unforgettable “changed”

January 15, 2010
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This one girl, who was very scared of going out and talk to the people whom I don’t know, decided to step forward because of her responsibility.


Truly, I can’t imagine myself with this huge choice because I am not being able to go back to the back in the past. However, my aunt tells that I am a brave girl. Indeed, I kept reminding myself what I was supposed to be doing here. As if I pushed myself to come into the new country, it was a big life change. Whether I was afraid or not, I am here in U.S.A., in a new environment, and I felt like I was imprisoned in a darkness room.


To clarify, this happened in Korea before I came to U.S.A; I was getting ready to go to school, as normal. I heard the conversation between my mom and my aunt, who living in the U.S.A. In the meantime, as I stepped down to the living room, I said bye to my mom to let her know that I am out from the house, then she answered, “Okay, have a great day!”, and she was still on the phone. Strangely, I could feel like everything is going to solve and fine. After school, as usual, I went back to the home with the excitement. And my mom called me to come into my room. However, I could feel the spirit of great situation, but puzzled. After the ten times of asking, “what’s going on?” she finally broke the silence and said: “Do you want to go America and study?” At that time, I couldn’t open my mouth and say something because, I got whole bunch of questions in my head. By that time, I realized my mom wasn’t joking about my study-abroad. I paid attention to my mom’s serious question and answered truthfully, “Yes, I want to try, mom.”


Thus, when I finally realize where I am, I was entering the gate. The sunshine made my bleary eyes opened. Additionally, I saw a man with the dressed up and looked like he was very busy to move. Every single person was passing quickly. Those people were already made me uncomfortable, and I couldn’t face them even for one second. For the first time, I notice the people whom I haven’t seen before, made to be aware of novelty. On the other side of my mind, I asked myself if I chose the right way to coming here, but the answer didn’t come out right away.


Finally, I got my aunt's house with all the greeting of my family; I started my second life of happiness. However, in late September, I barely guess what would happen in the future. I met new classmates and new teachers. There was the new people, the new education, the new language, and different places made me freak out. I thought I was dreaming because I had a dream of living in the U.S.A., and I made comfort to myself that I am just visiting the new country to not to feel left out. I was self-possessed for a second, but I couldn’t believe the reality. If I stated differently, I must accept the new reality because I chose to come. Eventually, I left alone in the unusual environment.


Because of my characteristic, I couldn’t approach to speak to someone. Also, every conversation was too much for me and awkward. I knew that I needed to step out of my comfort zone. But my body or mouth didn’t listen as my mind was saying. Plus, I wasn’t familiar with speaking English. However, I reminded myself that I should have to try to do something and understand what the teachers saying. Honestly, I never thought that it is going to be easy, but I told myself about how God gave me this much of a chance and think about my future. One by one, I could step forward with my friends and all the hard work which I did.


Until now, I haven’t felt that I am doing just right or enough. I need to confirm what I am learning and put more pressure into it. Still, I have a bunch of English words that I don’t know. Also, no one will be able to put the knowledge inside my brain. This means, until I get to the end, I still have half-way to go, or maybe more than that. Importantly, I won’t miss what I wanted to be after I graduated. NEVER FEEL LIKE REPENTING!





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