Revelation

December 19, 2017
By

I grew up hating myself. One of my family members caused this, he always put me down. He made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I tried my best to please him, but no matter what I did, he still wasn’t proud of me.

I’m a very outgoing person, and I love making jokes, but he’d always tell me I wasn’t funny. So, I stopped being myself, the person everyone else loved, just because I wanted him to like me.

When I hit third grade, I started to put on some weight, and one night he poked my stomach and said, “Dang little girl, you’re starting to get fat.” Hearing that from the person I heard it from, literally hurts your heart. I looked up with tears in my eyes and said, “I know” I didn’t really know what else I could say. I couldn’t talk back to him, I’d just get yelled at.

That was the night I began to hate myself. From that moment forward, every day that went by I hated myself more and more. I went into my room and cried harder than I ever have before. I felt so worthless, I was scared to go to school the next day, I saw myself so differently now.

I started to eat healthier, and started to work out more. I tried everything I could to improve myself. I’d wear clothes that were too big, so you couldn’t see my stomach. Sometimes I’d just wear a baggy jacket.

Everyday I’d come home and look at myself in the mirror and cry. Looking at how big my stomach was, just killed me. I tried to lose weight, but it never worked. I kept getting bigger and bigger.

I soon realized I was losing friends too, and began to become very unpopular. No one liked me anymore, and I knew why that was happening. I was the saddest person in my grade, and I was fat. No one wants to be friends with someone who’s fat and depressed.

One day I came home from school and my parents got in a very big fight. My dad packed some clothes, and left. It wasn’t new, although he did this often. My brothers and I would just listen to my parents yell. I knew my parents weren’t happy together, I sat there in my room and wondered if they were going to get divorced.

Of course, I blamed myself for this and I got even more stressed. I gained more weight. I didn’t understand what I was doing wrong.

I began to get too big for my clothes, and I had to go buy new clothes constantly. I went to school everyday so embarrassed of my body. I’d be made fun of, or people would just stare at me.

My mom told me I looked beautiful, but I knew she was only saying it because she’s my mom. I tried so many things to try and lose weight, but nothing was working.

I cried so many times at night, because I knew I was never going to lose weight. I started to wear a baggy jacket everyday, and I did until fourth grade. During my fourth grade year, I was still very big, I continued to work out, and attempt to eat better, but nothing was changing. I lost even more friends that year, and felt so embarrassed of myself.

Time went on, then I started fifth grade. I gained tons of weight over the summer. So many things were going on in my life, I didn’t really know what to do anymore. Fifth grade was pretty difficult for me, it was the first year I ever failed a class. I had so much on my mind, and could never focus on my work. I had huge arguments with friends, and there was always tons of drama. This was the first year that tons of people made fun of my weight. No one wanted to be my friend anymore.

The first semester ended and I only had like three friends, but they were pretty good friends, and always tried to make me feel better about myself. Things at home had gotten worse too, everything was falling apart.

I came back from Christmas break, and had lost a small amount of weight. I was proud of myself, and I pushed even harder after that. I began to lose weight, and I became more popular and happy. I met tons of new friends and everyone seemed to be okay with me.

Now I’m happy, and I’m happy with who I am. I’ve changed into a better person, and now have good things happening for me.






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