a special girl

December 27, 2008
I feel so carefree everytime im with you, im on top of the world everytime i kiss you, i just cant resist you,no matter what trouble your in i will assist you, i love being around you and spending time, im just glad your finally mine, im glad you finally realized that i like youand i;m a nice dude i guess love is blind, if you ever need anything call me and ill be there, its ok i know your nervous and scared, but i'll keep you safe from those nightmares,but its just not fair how you draw me in,im so glad i could lend my friendship and make amends, hence i can sense we're getting closer, i stay laid back like i'm supposed to, you'll always have a shoulder to cry on because i'm a soldier, I'll alwayshold my composure for you and go back to being a loner, i'll never be a poser and claim to be what im not, i'll never stop talking about you even if its just to god, we've got so much in common and its just so terrific, she looks just like her mom, i definetly think i did not go wrong with this broad, you're a lot smarter then people take you for and very hot, you're just overall amazing and i wish we could hang out more, a whole relationship oh what we've got in store, i adore you and everything you stand for.

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work on it... said...
Jan. 20, 2009 at 8:11 pm
I completely agree with "<333." I'm sorry but this was a huge disappointment. Keep writing, though, maybe you'll improve. Nice try, anyway.
<333 said...
Jan. 19, 2009 at 1:56 am
i really enjoy reading these teen works but i am disappointed in this one: you need to learn how to refine your writing style and not just rhyme to make a rhyme and use terrible lines that don't flow just to express your feelings. victor, when you say "you're a lot smarter than people take you for an very hot" you NEED to change that. You sound like you're writing an essay about this girl, and although I'm sure she appreciates this, I think she would like it a whole lot better if she... (more »)
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