There is always something worse.

October 25, 2008
By manijeh amiri, West Paterson, NJ

"No, please don’t go!" Tara screamed as she slammed the metal door shut, trying to reverse his actions. Sadly, my mother laid in my fragile arms, UN- wanted, hurting in every way possible and heartbroken. Screaming, crying, and begging the sounds were beginning to become unbearable. Everything was happening so fast, I was losing everything I ever knew was real family. After that night I knew that there would never be a day that would carry as much pain, destruction or agony as much as this one did. Unfortunately, little did I know, it was just the beginning.

The next couple of months weren’t as horrible as the night that caused it, but for a child they where one of the most dysfunctional and disturbing months in their lives. Meaning, I was 11 at the time and my sister (Tara) was 14, but, "mature" wasn’t one of her favorite words, if you know what I mean. The first couple of days that drug on after "that night" where filled with life changing experiences, in a good and bad way, but more so, on the bad side. For instance, my mother was unable to sleep, she always found herself drifting off into horrid nightmares that struck her like a knife into a back, so me and my sister would wake as well only to find her in the worst conditions. We would be up until dawn almost every night, for a month, comforting our mother with everything we had, because all we wanted was for everything to be okay again, all we wanted was a normal life.

Although, what i went through was horrible ,I thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, but unfortunately, it wasn’t. After my dad left, i started seeing him every other weekend. I suffered throughout that time as well, but nothing could ever describe the way I felt when I found out, my dad had past. Before this time, there was a problem and I wasn’t aloud to go to my father's house. So, my dad called and made arrangements to see me, and i was so excited that i was going to see him after three months. The next day i called him back and spoke to him, he was so happy and everything seemed fine, "i love you talk to you later,"he said before he hung up. " I love you too," i whispered making sure my sister didn't hear. "What did you say, i couldn't hear you?"he said. " Oh nothing never mind," I murmured as my sister past by the hallway."oh ok, bye then." "Who was that?" asked tara. "Oh no one," i said, only so she wouldn't get mad at me.

Well, around this time , my sister hadn't seen my father in 3 years. Sometimes she even said she forgot what he looked like. The reason of this was because, she was bitter, and mad at him for leaving and cheating, so she simply ignored him. Anyway, (getting back to what i was saying before) the next day came and i was so happy i was finally seeing my dad, but i found out that early in the morning (when i was in school) i got a phone call, that my dad was in the hospital from a heart attach and he wasn’t able to come see me. Unaware that it was serious, i thought it was a scheme so he didn't have to come pick me up( also he had a series of previous heart attacks, so i thought he would be fine). After school, i went on the computer talking to friends, and weird phone calls where coming in. One , was my old pastor from new York(and i recently reside in new jersey), another was my cousin from long island, and my old next door neighbors. they all wanted to talk to my mom, i was confused and worried. At the time my mom was at work ,so i was told to walk down to her job. When i walked in , everyone was crying, tara, my mom , her friends. I also got a good glance at a special doctor that works with disturbed children who need help, and that’s when i new something was wrong. So Maria( the specialist) sat me down in another room and i un patently said, " what happened?" Then quickly remembering about the incident with my father i screamed (with a tremble in my voice, and pain dropping with the tears that feel from my face)" No!". Then, those dreadful words, screeched out of her mouth, " your daddy has past".

After my ears herd those words i kicked, i screamed, i couldn't breath, i probably hurt a couple of people, because of how hard i was punching myself and everything else in site. As for, walls metal desks..ECT, but the truth is that as hard as i hit nothing hurt as much as my heart. After i calmed down, all i did was stare, without a single blink in me red irritated eyes, i didn't move, i didn't make any facial expressions...nothing, i just stared and wondered why this would happen to me. After that the next disturbing event was the wake and the burial. I have to say i never felt so depressed, unhappy, disturbed, confused, defeated, angry, bitter, miserable, and all together ready to faint.. in my whole thirteen years on this " so called" earth, as much as i did on the day of my fathers funeral. I guess what this show us all, is that, as much pain as we go through, there will never be a day that is the most painful day anyone can go through, because there is always something worse in someone else’s life that is going on.

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This article has 1 comment.

on Dec. 12 2008 at 11:50 pm
Hey, that was very powerful and i liked it a lot i just cant believe you went through that im so sorry!!

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