I grew up with him. He was my best friend. He could make me laugh when no one else could and I loved him so much. Everyone thought we would be such a great couple, but neither one of us saw the other that way. I loved him but it was like he was the air that I needed to breathe not a boyfriend. We got into a lot of trouble as kids and still did all the way through Junior High. We would double team our teachers, play pranks on our friends, and sometimes fool around together.Towards the beginning of High School his parents hated me. He still was the air I needed to live, but he was also my rock in a swaying and dizzy world. My feelings were changing, but to me it seemed like his were staying the same. He would never see me in any other way then his dorky little friend. I would never let him know how bad it hurt me to see him with other girls. How it made me gasp for breath every time he would tell me about this awesome new girl and I would just have to play it off and say "What did you put in her drink?". Another thing he will never know is how I bad I hurt the girls that hurt him. We were still as thick as thieves when my world stopped and froze. He told me he was moving. I punched him and said stop lying. But the look in his eyes told me he wasn't. And I wanted to start crying, but I was stronger than that and didn't want him to see me cry. He had kept this little secret from me up until moving day, and I only had last period,45 minutes to tell him bye. See he didn't know that i had ever saw him as more than my best friend, and he never will. He will never know exactly how much he meant to me because my last words were just... Bye You. Of course I wanted to say more, heck I either wanted to beat the crap out of him or tackle him to the ground and kiss him. But nothing I could say would have kept him near me and he left. Now he lives far away and we have lost touch and I still miss him. I still dream about him and I still have days where I don't know how to start over. I wonder sometimes if he misses me as well, and then... I doubt it. He was always great at making friends, so i knew that he would be fine. But me, i'm still broken. He is still the air I need to breathe, and I don't know how much longer I'm going to make it without any oxygen.
September 13, 2008