I hate what this has done to me but then again I have been this way for as long as I can remember. Never truely loving or feeling the feelings that others have felt. And I know what it does to my friends; But I cannot help it. I wait for the darkness to fade or to go away. But there it is looming over head as always watching and waiting for me to slip or break to squeeze in and take control it already has. Gipping to the edge that is ever slipping away. It's always so close but so far away; And it slips and slides away farther every moment that I wait to stand up. And now is the time to choose the friends I guess I have always had or turn to the darkness that promises relief. I feel the life being released and draining away as I release all the tension that has built up. And the red of my blood flows down the drain taking me with it. Well I guess Islipped, moved to far and turned to the darkness afraid of what was to come. Because from alll I have lost, left behind and gone through I have still yet to fill the void that was left behind.
June 8, 2009