New Dating App: Going Outside

August 2, 2016

Do you spend hours swiping on Tinder and Bumble? Have you given lots of effort to your OK Cupid profile but only received a deep sense of emptiness and self loathing? Do you wish there was an easy way to meet girls that doesn’t make you look like a creep? Then try our brand new dating app, Going Outside. Going Outside is absolutely free and you don’t have to chat awkwardly with girls on your phone to use it. In fact you don’t even need a phone. And unlike other dating apps, like Hinge or Zoosk, Going Outside has an even ratio of men to women. (Unless you’re in China. Sorry, China.)

Using Going Outside is a cinch. Just unlock your phone, hold the power button, let the screen go dark, and look around. To find singles in your area, go literally anywhere. The beach, for sure. A bar, easy pickings. The Kosher aisle at a Ralphs. Someone single is bound to walk down there eventually. And then simply start a conversation. If she returns the enthusiasm, that’s like both of you swiping right. 

Now I know what you’re worried about, “How do I still stress out over my profile pictures?” Easy. Before going outside, stand in front of your bathroom mirror trying on different clothes and introducing yourself to no one for forty five-minutes to an hour . 

And you don’t have to use Going Outside alone. You can go outside with your friends, Instead of swiping right alone in your room at 2 a.m., crying into a half eaten plate of hot wings, Going Outside as a group to provide a temporary haven from the crippling insecurity you feel on other dating apps.     

On Going Outside you might actually improve yourself as a person. Didn’t make a connection at singles yoga? Well you still learned how to do downward dog one. That’s something. And even if you don’t meet “the one,” you’ll probably still meet some new friends.  And it won’t be weird like meeting up with those “just looking for friends” people on Tinder.

Going Outside has the longest track record of success of the dating apps on the market. Your parents met on it. Your grandparents met on it. Adam and Eve even used Going Outside. (though in the end they matched on OK Cupid).

And best of all, going outside doesn’t make you feel like a shallow lonely loser. You just feel like an average, normal non- creepy dude out trying to make an emotional connection.

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