Every child remembers their own father by the happy memories and lessons he taught them, but mine is a different story. My story is about watching someone you desperately love suffer right in front of my own eyes. Most people observing the event would say he did not suffer long and that is true…for him. What people did not quite realize was the suffering his children and wife would have to undergo for the rest of their lives.
I can still remember the look of pain and sadness in my mother’s eyes as she told my little three year old self that the cancer had spread. Of course, at that time I did not know what exactly that meant and how that tiny four word sentence would change my life completely.

It was tough seeing his once strong muscular body crumble into a lifeless figure on a hospital bed with numerous needles attached to his skin which were meant to help him “fight”. A fight that you could never predict because its’ track record was like a roller coaster. Just by looking at him you could tell his time was soon coming to an end, but he would never say it to me, his little daughter, as he would soon be leaving me behind. I was that daughter who would not get to have her own father to teacher her how to ride a bike or walk her down the aisle, but most of all to make her happy.

I did not get to visit my dad much after he become extremely sick. If I had to guess it was because he did not want me to remember him as someone lying in a hospital bed having to say goodbye to his children for the final time. All that I strongly recall is one late night my mother having to rush into the hospital while leaving my brother and I with a babysitter. It took me years to realize that night was her night to say goodbye and reassure him that he could finally give in.

That next day would be a day I will forever remember. That day enclosed so many precious events that I can never get back. It was his last breath, his last heartbeat, even his last time opening his eyes and seeing the world he was leaving. Yes, it is one of the meaningless dates on his tombstone, but that does not matter to me. What matters is the little dash between the dates; the dash that carries so many wonderful memories I constantly want to relive. One thing I do know about my future is that I will be happy. Maybe it will not be today or tomorrow, but I do know the day I meet my father once again my heart will be filled with joy and in that moment it will feel as if we were never torn apart.

The spring went by fast, the winter was rough, and now as the flowers began to bloom we gathered up our belongings and began to make the next chapter of our lives. This means new people, a new school, and even a new home. Sure, nothing was going to be like it had been in the past, but my family was going through a change that would involve some adjustments for everyone.

I remember the first time walking through the house and seeing a big family that would soon welcome me into their lives. In that moment I was young and undoubtedly still did not comprehend everything that was happening to me. All I could see were smiling faces and grateful people that would accept me with warm arms.  With all these new changes I did still have my mother to rely one; after all I was only five and had been through a major tragedy. In fact, I do recall the conversation I had with her one day when we first moved into our new house and I was still scared of what was happening. I would ask her anything that came to my mind; whether it was something from my curiosity or if I was scared.

"This is going to be your house now that Brad and I are married and you now have more siblings," my mother told me.

"Will they like me?" I said while looking up at her tall figure compared to my small 1st grader body.
“Will who like you? The people at school or our new family?”

“The new family we are moving in with.”
"They are happy to be gaining more family members and I am positive they will treat you just as if you are related to them by blood."
"But I do not want to switch schools or make new friends."

"Your new school will be good for you and you can always visit your other friends whenever you want, but I have confidence you will discover even more friends here at your new school.”

Looking back I can say that she was right, as a mother usually is. All of my new siblings did treat me like their true sister and I cannot even tell you about all the joyful memories we shared. We were a blended family with a rough history which made us only come together and get along because all of us do not need any more obstacles to jump over in our lives. Even though we really are not related by blood we still have the special connection that makes us want to be around each other every day. One of the best things about my family is that there are not two people alike; we are all different mentally and physically. Having a new family did not change who I was; having the past I lived through causing me to have to adjust creating the person I am today. As Marlyn Monroe once said, “I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so that you learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you learn to appreciate them when they are right…and sometimes, good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” We all want to be happy in life and going through these changes has made me happy. Not because of the lost I suffered but because of the people I am surrounded by today and the journey I am proud enough to day I lived through. There is always something special in life, so do not take it for granted.