Mom, I’m Gay This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

     I remember that day when I proudly stated, “Mom, I’m gay.” I felt liberated - until I realized that she wanted to push me out of the car. Liberation, all right. Good thing I wasn’t liberated from my seat belt.

I’ve always been one to test the waters. Sometimes the outcome is good, like admitting I’m gay, and sometimes the outcome is tragic, like that haircut in third grade.

I decided to tell her that night because she was mad at me already. Yes, and my parents call me the smart child. I felt the need to test the limits again. Besides, how much deeper could I dig myself?

Well, it turns out, pretty far.

“Mom, I’m gay.”

The car swerved to the left. Honk. Then to the right. Beep. As she straightened out, I realized I had just blabbed the secret of a lifetime; some people keep this inside their whole lives while I blurted it out on a car ride to my therapist’s office.

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am,” I responded, just for the sake of contradicting her. “Look, I’m going out on a limb to tell you. It’s not easy for me.” Well, there it was. It just came out. Once I got going, it was pretty easy.

“I just want you to be normal. Don’t you want to be normal?”

“I do! This has nothing to do with being normal!” An argument. Things were getting interesting.

“Then fix it. Don’t be gay!”

Oh, if I could have screamed, I would have! Fix it? There’s nothing to be fixed! Toilets need to be fixed! My sexuality? Nope! Being gay isn’t something I could do anything about. I was mad, so I huffed and puffed in silence as she drove, white-knuckled, down the highway.

At the therapist’s office, I bawled about how unlucky I was to have a mother who lacked understanding, was uncaring and was a bad driver. The therapist called my mom in, saying the three of us needed to talk. I sensed a fiasco.

Mom walked in with a fake smile. I wanted to tell her to wipe it off, but that wasn’t what we were here for. She sat next to me and I started analyzing her every move. Okay, she sat down next to me. That’s good. Extra long blink. Not good. She doesn’t even want to look at me. She’s shifting in her seat. She’s uncomfortable. Or maybe she’s trying to get closer to me. Or farther away.

“Hello? Earth to you, dear.”

“Umm.” Perfect. I felt like an idiot. My therapist was being paid huge amounts of money to hear me say umm and analyze my mother’s every move? I was so busy looking at my mom that I’d completely missed what my therapist had been saying.

“I think you know that Mom loves you no matter what. And Mom, this isn’t an attention thing. I’ve known this for a while. It’s no big secret.” Well, not anymore!

We went home that evening pretending nothing had happened. I was careful not to distract my mother.

And today? Well, we’re getting along. I’ve learned to love the fact that I like girls and am secure in my sexuality, I’ve been able to tell other people. I’m not ashamed anymore. It’s who I am. Just like I’ll always mismatch my socks, I’ll always have a weakness for underwear shopping and hazelnut coffee, and I’ll always like girls. My mother may not exactly love it, but she can deal. But just wait until I bring home my first girlfriend!

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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Fia-fia said...
Dec. 22, 2011 at 1:32 pm
This is great! As much as you say it was easy, it still must have been rather hard, especially as a family experience. Thank you for sharing! :)
RedheadAtHeart This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 8:14 pm
Your courage is admirable, and so is your writing style.
raindance72 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 6:46 pm
You are so courageous, and I'm happy for you for finding your way and becoming comfortable in your own skin. While this was a good story, it almost seems that you lost interest in perfecting it toward the end. Nevertheless, good work! Don't stop writing. :)
wishing4thebest2day said...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 8:32 am
Great story! I loved it!
Wintergrl7 said...
Nov. 8, 2011 at 6:40 pm
I love the beginning, but I feel like the last few paragraphs weren't written as well. 
raindance72 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 6:47 pm
Ditto. I felt just the same way.
Come-n-Gone said...
Nov. 8, 2011 at 5:46 pm
I don't know exactly what I am... I look at girls and sometimes i think yeah i wouldn't mind dating her but i still like guys. I hope i find out what i am. and soon!
maybesomeday replied...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 6:22 pm
Me too! I get so frustrated at my confusion sometimes.
loveisthemovement replied...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 12:01 am
me too but nobody know i kind of deal with it in my head
greenbean_94 replied...
Jan. 4, 2012 at 10:29 am
Well since it's supposed to be a "CHOICE", shouldn't you just CHOOSE which one you like better? Just a thought.
Strangergirl replied...
Feb. 4, 2012 at 4:19 pm
I don't know either. Somrtimes I think I like girls, and sometimes guys. But it's definently not a choice. If it were I'd just choose and get on with my life, things wouldn't be so frustrating.
ThePeaceDaisy said...
Nov. 8, 2011 at 5:23 pm
I loved it! That mom shouldn't deny that her daughter is gay. Good job, by the way. The story had great imagery and you could feel the emotions. And hopefully, other people will realize that they shouldn't make fun of people because of their sexuality and homosexuals will be inspired to be proud of themselves!
CHAOTICcupcake said...
Nov. 8, 2011 at 5:11 pm
I really like the story and I hope it works out for you, though you can't begin
"but" at the beginning of a sentence. I don't want to be a stickler, but I am very obsessive about grammar.
ThePeaceDaisy replied...
Nov. 8, 2011 at 5:24 pm
It was one time, no big deal.
ShelbyMarie93 replied...
Jan. 13, 2012 at 5:41 pm
Dear Stickler For Grammar... " can't begin "but" at the beginning of a sentence." Just so you know, that's incorrect grammar. You should have said "You can't use "but" at the beginning of a sentence." Nice try, though.
ThatGirlOverthere said...
Oct. 17, 2011 at 12:04 pm

 You go girl!   :)   I hope your mom and everyone around you learns to accept you. And even if they don't, stay strong!

 No one can tell you that your sexuality is wrong. It's not even a choice, so why make others feel horribel about their life? I didn't choose to be heterossexual.

 I hope your article helps other people to assume (or understand) homossexuality. Good work!

peaches said...
Oct. 17, 2011 at 12:01 pm
love it b who u wanna be
Hideing said...
Sept. 25, 2011 at 10:25 pm
Lol my sister told my mom she was like this. " mom i'm BI" Mom:"ok..." Me(thinking): shut your big trap kinze don't you dare tell Kinze:"oh and so is KK(me) Mom:0.0" i hope your not doing stuff with eachother Me an kinze: EWWWW(fakes thows up) Mom:lol
Carcar said...
Sept. 7, 2011 at 6:18 pm
Good job!! It took forever to come out to my parents!
luvkittehz8P This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 3, 2011 at 12:24 pm

=) you're brave. Wish I had courage like that x.x My mom has got to be the most judgmental person in the universe...

it's good that you told her, though. =) Be proud.

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