“If Only…,” by ”Susan” is a fantastic memoir about the emotional trauma felt after the death of a loved one. After the suicide of her grandmother, she began to feel all the anger within her turn to guilt, believing that she had some part in the death. She was a direct victim of survivor’s guilt, which happens to everyone everyday. Everyone blames themselves if anything ever goes wrong, and it is because we succumb to the anger that is brought upon by death.
Although I have never been a part in such a drastic case of survivor’s guilt, can relate to some of the ways “Susan” is feeling. When you end up losing a big soccer game, or do something bad to someone else, you take it all upon yourself. Completely different strings of events run through our head as we look for a way to suppress our anger. The death of a loved one never really goes away, and never will the guilt. I hope you find a way to suppress your feelings and are able to move on “Susan.”