Feeling Pain | Teen Ink

Feeling Pain

December 3, 2016
By Pretendtobehappy BRONZE, Cupertino , California
Pretendtobehappy BRONZE, Cupertino , California
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

I never really belonged anywhere and I always seemed to feel some sort of pain whether it was physical or emotional, I would never see it coming. 

 

I spend most my life alone wondering what how much I'm worth. Thinking that I'm a failure who doesn't deserve to live. I can't seem to push the thought of how may people I have disappointed. I just want to push the voices out of my head or learn to ignore them. 

 

I'll start at the beginning. When I started kindergarten, I only had one person I could call a friend. You would think I would be thankful for having a friend, but we never really hung out. She would have this one friend who takes her hand and runs away pulling her along.   The worst part was that my friend would follow her. I always ran so many times around the playstructure chasing them trying to catch up. Did they stop? No. They never stopped once. I would often hide unnder the playstructure and cry until the bell rang. When the bell rang, I would smile and pretend that I was ok. The thing is, I was never ok. Never once did I think anyone cared about me. 

 

All I ever wanted 1 friend with me. Anyone who would actually care. Someone who could lift me up when I felt down. That person never came until 6 years later and I still am to this day, very thankful for her. 

 

Growing up, I had low expectations for mankind. The problem with humans is that when we are done with something or don't want it anymore, we leave it. We leave it behind us like a piece of trash and forget about it. Sometimes the thing comes after us. Most of the time, it just gives up and leaves. 

 

Look around your school or a common enviroment. Do you ever see people who want to belong and feel like they're cared for. Many people hide behide a wall of shame, sorrow, or insecurities. many of us just want to be wanted. We just want to feel like we're worth something more. We want to know that there are people we can talk to.

 

Many people think that hurting themselves is the only way to feel better. Many people just want to leave. Leave their wretched lives for a better one. 

 

Have you ever noticed how many people look at your group of friends longingly? Always just wanting to join a big group with many people who can care for them. Who can back them up or help them in times of need. When they feel like they're drowning in their fears and feeling like victims. They could be victims of many things. Stress, anxiety, flaming, and depression. They might rather be dead then part of this world many call Hell.

 

Have you ever whondered who hides behind the username Princesspuppy873? When you hide behind a username, you can be a totally different person with the happiness you aspire to have. Maybe you think happiness is recieving many likes on your new instagram post, but its not. Reaching true happiness is being true to yourself and being unique.

 

I hope that this has taught you to treat other equally and care for them. Know that we're all human and remember that being normal isn't being normal. As people, ther's no such thing as normal.


The author's comments:

I hope people will learn that anyone around them can be broken. They could be forcing that smile or hiding behind a mask because they don't want others to think that they're different in their society. Many people have insecurities that they don't want. All you need to do is talk to them.


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