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I am 17 years old and when I went to public school I was constantly harassed by girls that were smaller than me. I was called names like cow, fat, pig, and just some really horrible things. For years I dealt with this. My family moves a lot, I have four little brothers and four little sisters. If there isn't any work in the area we move, trying to find good jobs to support our family. So I have been to many different schools. I am OK with it, but at every school I was bullied about the same thing. My weight.
This one particular incident I am going to tell you about happened right after I moved to Nevada.
It was my first day. I was nervous about starting at a new school, with people I didn't know. It was freshman year and I was so nervous I felt like I was going to be sick. I was a wreck on the inside, but on the outside I showed nothing. I was walking to the office to get my schedule and I saw three girls standing outside the door. Instinctively I lowered my head so my hair covered my face and tried to walk past them into the office, but one girl was blocking the door. So I politely asked her to move. She loOKed at me like I was scum on her shoe, but she moved without speaking.
I went in and got my schedule and walked to my locker. After putting my thing in my locker I turned to loOK for my first class and was knocked sideways by some guy barreling down the hallway. He turned to loOK at me and said "Watch where you're walking." Then he was gone. All it toOK was one loOK and I knew I liked him. Not because of the way he treated me, but because I could see a good side in him. Though I knew I would never talk to him. OK so I went back to finding my first period class. Once I found it I hesitated outside of the door. I hated having to go inside and be the center of attention in front of people I didn't know. Knowing I had no choice I went inside. The teacher was very kind and he didn't make me stand up and introduce myself. We didn't have assigned seats and there was a few still open. I toOK one at the back of the class, so as to draw less attention to myself.
The first three periods went through without a hitch. It was now lunch time. As you walked into the cafeteria you could see the tables with their groups of people, one table had preppy loOKing girls and jocks, another had nerdy loOKing kids with glasses and braces, and so it went from goths to skaters, etc. I was new with no where to sit. So I was going to get lunch and eat alone in the library, because that is what i had done at all my other schools. I got my lunch and was intercepted by one of the girls from this morning. "Would you like to sit with us?" she asked. Not daring to say no I went and sat at their table. It was awkward as I told them my name and where I had moved from. Another one of the girls, the one who had loOKed at me, said "I love your jacket, where did you get it from?"
My jacket was an all black hoodie and I had got it from the thrift store before I moved. I love shopping at second hand stores, they have some of the weirdest and amazing clothes I have ever seen. So I told her that's where I had gotten it. She loOKed at me like I had just made a funny jOKe and laughed. So we all laughed with her. Another girl grabbed a piece of my hair and said she would die for hair like mine. I felt like things might be different at this school. Like I might actually have some friends.
It went like that for about three weeks. I hung out with those girls all the time. I told them secrets and just tried to have fun at their sleepovers like them. I just wanted to fit in. Until one day I saw the guy who had knocked into me the first day. He was getting something out of his locker, which was next to mine, I was feeling confident and said Hi. "Hi, your new right?" He said. I was so happy words couldn't express how I felt. So we walked to our next class together talking about where I was from and things like that. I was happy and proud that I finally had confidence.
I went home full of joy. Until the next day when I got to school. As I walked to my locker I could feel everyone staring at me. In my locker was a note that said:
you are a pathetic excuse for a person. I can't believe I was ever friends with you. You are a fat ugly cow and nobody will ever like you. The reason you have no friends is because you are so fat. I was only your friend so you would have someone to talk to because honestly nobody at this school likes you. You should just go back where you came from. Take your ugliness with you.
I was so crushed and I could still feel everyone staring. I was afraid to find out why though. And so the name calling began. I could hear it when they whispered, I could hear it when they shouted, and said it to my face. I didn't see my crush again for at least a week like maybe he was avoiding me. Still no one had told me what was being said. Teachers heard and saw what the kids were doing, but did nothing to help me. When I finally saw my crush again I asked him what was being said. He told me that he never wanted to talk to me, but wouldn't tell me what his girlfriend (as I later found out) had said.
Days, weeks, months, went by I found myself sitting alone everywhere in class, free periods, and lunch. Which I hardly ate anymore. I hardly ate anything anymore by this point. At school or at home. Every Time I did eat I felt sick. Like I was just eating and eating. All the time. I felt fat, and I tried walking and even working out to lose weight. But nothing worked I was still fat. It got to the point where I was only eating at home and only to show I was OK to my parents. I never tried to make myself puke. That wasn't me and that was where I drew the line. But starving myself was OK. Which I often did.
School got worse. People I didn't even know were making fun of my weight. It was ridiculous. And at the time I fell for it. Trying to force my body to the ways others were and wanted me to be. I knew it wasn't going to work but I still tried. To this day I do not know what was being said around school, but I don't care anymore. After we moved to Minnesota I found a group of people who liked me for who I was. They never tried to change me. In fact I was corretced by my friends when ever I thought I was fat. At the school there I was never called fat, except by maybe a new student with an attitude. But everyone at my school stood up for me and the kid either changed from being mean and rude, or went on having no friends.
My point is bullying hurts no matter what the form is. Words, letters, notes, even on social networking. It hurts and many teens sink into depression. Some may bounce back like I did but others may not. I know first hand how bullying feels. So I will never bully someone the way I was or any other way for that matter. Anytime I see bullying I try to stop it and if I can't I get others involved and we all put a stop to it. I am now home schooled because after moving from Minnesota I was bullied at yet another school. So I am done with public school period. For now until I know 100% I won't be affetced by bullying. I stand up for myself now. And it often leads to getting physical. And I don't want that.