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"Forgive Me"

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He beats me up every single day,
With no words my mouth can come to say,
Sometimes I want to scream and let it all out,
But will anyone ever listen to my silent shouts?

He knocks me to the cold hard ground,
I can’t take it; I must put down,
I lost a war, that I couldn't even win,
The funny thing is I didn't know it would ever begin!

It all started with a family matter,
That now leaves me bruised and battered,
I tell myself not to care; not to be bothered,
But how can I when he is my own father.

In my school, I walk the halls,
I see “No Bullying allowed” posters on the walls,
I tell myself maybe I should listen to them,
And as I look around, I see him.
I give him a rude remark or maybe a punch to the face,
Then I get sent to the principal's office, seems to be my place,
But I lie and deny it all, just in case,
‘Cause I know maybe tonight i’ll get my own punch to the face.

They say karma does justice,
I guess that’s just it,
But no one understands how it feels,
To have each good layer inside peel.

I don’t know why I feel so mad,
All I know is I end up doing something bad,
I find myself getting angry and upset,
Lying to myself, trying to forget, yet,
It’s ironic how I do the same to another person,
I somehow make the situation worsen,
I blame myself for all that goes on,
All that goes wrong,
I blame myself for not trying to get along,
Not trying to stay strong .

Later on I realize,
that everything are real lies,
I may not even forgive myself,
But all that counts is that someone else,
Still Hasn’t.

As much as I apologize,
They seem to not realize,
That I were in a state.

In which I never wanted to hate, instead wanted love,
I never wanted to discriminate, but you couldn’t tell,
I never wanted to cause any pain, but it hurt,
Never wanted any eye- rain, but it fell,
Never wanted to lie again, that’s the truth,
Never wanted to become a tormentor, but I did.

If only I could’ve changed it earlier,
If only I had known fully,
That a bully becomes a bully,
When he is bullied in turn,
Yes, I didn’t know that, guess there's much to learn.

But I do know I have much more apologizing to do,
Beg god to forgive me and him
Though, I find it hard to forgive
Since every day I have to re-live

He still is my father
My only father
The one who was my bully.
But I will stop the chain,
No more eye-rain,
Because a bully doesn’t have to become a bully if he is bullied in turn,
I suppose this is something I have learned.

If only back then my “common sense” wasn’t so blurry,
I would’ve said I’m sorry without any fury,

I felt your pain,
I always did,
and i’m sorry I never wanted to, cause it again and again,
So can you please find it in your heart to forgive.....

I know it sounds deranged,
But Forgive me, for this bully that was bullied has changed.

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