Heartless

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Don't drink and drive they say but why don't they also campaign for don't fight while driving? It would have saved a life tonight. A life of a man neither of us knew but still feel guilty and scared as we stare at his lifeless body.

It's too dark to know if he is bleeding or breathing since the only source of light is from my baby that's still parked in the middle of the deserted road probably still in shock from what has just happened and will surely need a good scrubbing to get the blood off, if there is any.

I manage to look up at Derek, he's still panicking holding his head in his hands and tugging his messy hair once in a while as he curses into the night. To be honest, he looks worse off than me but what can you expect. He was the one that hit this man who is probably dead. I don't dare touch the body to check and neither does Derek.

"We have to call an ambulance." I tell him in a calm voice. There is no need of adding more panic to the atmosphere.

"W-What?" He stammers pausing mid-step in his frantic pacing. I can feel how scared he is even though I can't see his face clearly.

"Hospital." I repeat turning to go fetch my phone from my baby.

"Y-You can't." He quickly says rushing over to my side to stop me. I give him a confused look even though he can't see me since we are both standing next to the passenger door.

"Why not? What if he isn't dead?" I shake my head. "We need to do it sooner than later."

"You don't get it Mandy... I just hit someone with your car and we are somehow drunk. We could go to jail Mandy." His words sink in making my eyes open in realisation. I had even forgotten we just came from Jean's party that led to a heated argument about how I willingly kissed Saul during spin the bottle and that's why Derek turned to me during his speeding, ready to spit more profanities my way when we felt it. A bump.

"So what do we do? We can't just leave him here." I argue but don't make a move to get my phone. Derek is quiet, deep in thought as he tugs his hair once again. A cool breeze washes over us making me shiver slightly and I welcome it with open arms. I need something to distract me from what has just happened, I can see the cell doors opening for me and an orange jump suit waiting for me. It's all I can think of now that Derek has mentioned it.

"Lets go. We can call 9-1-1 from a pay phone or something but we aren't going to be here when the police show up." His eyes shift all around us as if noting for the first time where we are. I have no clue.

"Shit! Lets go. There are houses around us. I know this area." Derek runs off to the driver's seat and starts the engine without even checking if I'm still out staring at the limp body, praying it would just move, just slightly. But nothing happens. It's still face down on the tarmac, I don't even know how the man looks like.

I quickly jump into the car when Derek shouts my name and we go round the body before Derek speeds away. He is shaky, gripping the sterling wheel so tight that I'm afraid he is going to damage my baby. Then I remember he was the most sober of us two and that's why he was the one driving instead of me. Maybe if I had insisted on driving none if this would have happened. We would be two normal teenagers stressing over finals instead of a hit and run.

We don't say a word even when we stop in town to call an ambulance incase no one has spotted the man yet, until we get to Derek's house. His parents are out of town for the weekend so I had planned on sleeping over until Sunday but all the excitement has faded. I keep wondering if the man had a family, kids waiting for him at home. Was that where he was heading when we hit him?

The slamming of the car door pull me out of my guilt trip as I watch Derek stomp off to the front door without looking back. I sigh. Looks like our planned romantic weekend won't be happening. I should probably plan on sleeping in the guest room and avoid Derek altogether. We both need to think over what has just happened. About the heartless act we have just committed.

Minutes later the front door opens and Derek storms out with two buckets of water. He doesn't seem to notice I haven't moved a muscle since he left as he starts scrubbing the front of the car, right where we hit the man. I force my body to move, getting out of the car to see if I can help Derek but he shakes his head the minute I take the second bucket. "Don't." Is all he says before bending and continuing to scrub my car.

I take a deep breath. Space. I remind myself. We both need space and in the morning when the shock has worn off we can talk. With one final look at the shirtless back of my boyfriend, I turn to head into the house in need of a long cold shower to help me cool off. I'm still in shock, my hands are trembling and my body numb. I wonder how Derek feels, is guilt eating him up like it's doing to me?

Minutes or hours later, I hear the guest bedroom door open before the right side of the bed sinks. I'm facing the dark wall and I feel Derek's hand snake around my waist, holding me close to him. I don't make a move to show him I'm still awake, can't close my eyes because all I see is that limp body and it frightens my every nerve. Derek sighs out loud, his breath fanning my hair in a comforting way but I can feel how tense his body is. "I'm sorry." He whispers before kissing my hair. We both fall into the pretence of sleep, each deep in their own thoughts, in our own worlds of the heinous crime we just committed and walked away from like a bunch of cold hearted humans.






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