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Coulrophobia

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"Hello there!" said the evil clown as he tickled my chin. "You're such a cute little thing aren't you?", he pinched my rosy cheeks. "Here you go, have a lollipop. Grape flavored lollipop with bubble gum in the middle. It tastes heavenly, trust me." he pulled out the candy from his polka dotted pants and waved it in front of my face. I shoved it away. "Hey there little girl, you should not do that. It's rude. Hasn't your mom taught you that?", he asked, a smile plastered across his face.

He doesn't seem so evil does he?

"My mom and dad said that i should not take candy from strangers",i replied with my squeaky little voice. "I am not a stranger honey, I am your daddy", he said. His voice sounded as though he was hurt by the words i had uttered. "How could you call your daddy a stranger?" he asked with an even sadder pout than before. "YOU ARE NOT MY DADDY!", I yelled at the top of my lungs and i looked directly into his eyes. A few seconds later, his cold, hard, strong hands hit my soft, fragile face in a harsh slap. It stung! More on the inside than the outside.

As usual, I woke up sweating. For a week I've been having that gruesome clown movie play in my head when I was sleeping. Now that I'm 25, I call it a bad dream, but back when i was six,it was a nightmare that came true. There was a carnival in town, a really fun-filled adventure was what it was supposed to be when my parents took me there. It was exactly that until the last few minutes, just before my parents grabbed my hand to take me home.

My mother was sobbing and had this mask of sorrow, despair and horror over her face, and my dad had fire in his eyes. He shouted at mom who shouted the same phrase back to him over and over again. What it meant was a puzzle to me. They were speaking Spanish, a language i had not mastered yet. I could do nothing but watch helplessly. I was practically thrown into the backseat when my mom put me in the car. The doors were slammed and the shouting continued as the car sped off the carnival parking ground into the highway.

Once home, mom ran upstairs into her room and locked herself in. Dad went after her and knocked on the door asking her to open it. He wasn't demanding her to do so, but begging her to. After a while, she did. Dad took her in his arms and a wave of relief overcame me. Dad and mom are fine. I washed up and went to bed. Usually,mom reads me a story and dad tucks me into bed. Then, they both give me a goodnight kiss and a hug, but I didn't want to trouble them today, so i tucked myself in.
I woke up at about three in the morning due to loud noises. I thought it was mom and dad again. So i closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep but i woke up again when i heard my room door open. It was opened with such force that i sat up straight in bed. "Irina! Get up honey! Go hide in the closet. Go.Now!", it was mom. "Closet?Why?", i asked puzzled. "Mommy will explain to you later sweetie. Just go okay? Don't open the door unless you hear mommy's or daddy's voice, okay baby?", she kissed me on the forehead before she closed the closet door. "Unless you hear mommy's or daddy's voice? Who else was there?", I thought to myself.

I sat in the corner of the closet with my teddy bear in hand. I could hear all sorts of noises. Pots and pans, breaking glass, metal being slammed against wall. What was going on? I wanted to find out, but I was too scared. I just sat there, and closed my eyes as I sang my favorite song to keep myself calm. I was failing miserably but I kept trying. Suddenly, the closet door was opened, the same way my room door was opened. "DADDY!", i yelled as i jumped up in relief.

Within seconds, the feeling of relief seeped out of me as an unfamiliar voice spoke. "Hi there sweetheart. Oh how nice it is to hear you call me daddy! I have waited for this moment for six long years my dear. SIX YEARS!". "You are not my daddy", i said, in a tone lower than a whisper but he somehow heard it. "I am! I am!", he nodded vigorously as his eyes shone with a glow i have never seen before. It was happy yet cold, kind and caring but somehow evil. Who was he? "Come, come. Let me bring you to mommy. You can ask her", he said, pulling my hand. He brought me down the stairs, all the way to the basement. "Clara darling, tell little Irina who I am", he said sweetly to my mom. "MOMMY!", i yelled as i made an effort to reach her.

She was badly hurt and had her wrists and ankles tied up. She was leaning against the wall, barely able to sit. "Tell her Clara!", he demanded, his hands were gripping mine so hard that it hurt real bad. My mom said nothing. He asked again, and again she did not answer. So, he walked up to her, took something out of his pocket, turned to face me and said, "Turn away Irina darling", it was hard, but i did as i was told. I heard a sound, like knife through meat, accompanied by my mother's scream. Again and again i heard it, and I knew what was happening. I cried but I didn't turn. I could not turn. I didn't want to see what was happening.

After the sound stopped, i felt a cold hand grip mine. The clown's. He dragged me out to the front yard, past my dad in the living room. Dad was gone, just like mom.

The incident in my dream took place in the front yard, right before the police came rushing, just like they do in movies. A neighbor had alerted the police after hearing loud noises and screams coming from my house. The clown did not even resist the arrest. He just went with them. I was confused. Why didn't he fight?

In court, during the trial, i found out that he really was my dad.

"I just wanted to see her but they wouldn't let me. If they did, I wouldn't have harmed them and Clara should have just told Irina i was her dad. I wouldn't have killed her then", he told the court, his voice so poisonously sweet.

There are two things that still remains a mystery though. What where my parents fighting about on the way back from the carnival and why didn't the clown resist the arrest?





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