The Cursed

April 11, 2012
By Midnight_Starsong GOLD, Wesson, Mississippi
Midnight_Starsong GOLD, Wesson, Mississippi
15 articles 0 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
She never once gave up. My mom is my hero.


You never know what happens here. You never know who is trapped inside, damned forever to haunt, the last house on Mulberry Lane. Screams echo shrieking out their fears in the night, families cower in their beds with fright. Teens dare each other inside only to find them gone with the dawn, their souls now trapped to warn away the next unknowing victim the house might take. I was dared into the house and yeesh I can tell you that that place is scary as hell.
I was fifteen years old when my family and I moved away from all I've ever known in my small town of Wesson, Mississippi to Nightville, Texas in the middle of the summer just three weeks until I start attending Nightville High. I’m nothing special, nothing new I was just a normal fifteen year old guy with sandy blond hair and blue eyes. It seems I was fresh meat to the student body at my new high school and truth be told I really didn’t want to be in that stupid town at all.
We’d been there for two weeks and we still had stuff to move into the house that my mother picked out three months ago. Telling the truth well I hated it there plain and simple. I wanted to go back home, back to Mississippi, back to my friends, not that my parents cared that they had uprooted me from everything I’ve ever known.
I was walking around one day, after we’d been there about a week, listening to my I-Pod not paying any attention to where I was walking and didn’t plan too until I walked right into one of the most beautiful girls I’d ever seen.
“Oh, um sorry so sorry I wasn’t paying attention to where I was walking are you alright.” I said.
“Yeah I’m okay…… Are you new here I’ve never seen you before?” She said smiling.
“Yeah, my family and I just moved here last week.”
“Oh, cool well welcome to Nightville then.”
I was about to turn and start walking back to the house when she out of no where asked “What’s your name?”
“Jason Thomas. What’s your name?”
“My name’s Calla Song.”
“That’s a nice name.”
“Thanks… So what are you up to?”
“I’m about to head home to finish unpacking my stuff.”
She smiled up at me; I was a little taller so she had to tilt her head back slightly to look me in the eye.
“I’ll help you unpack if you’d like, I don’t have much of anything to do anyway.” She said.
“Um, yeah sure if you want to help you can, but it’s up to you.”
“I’ll help you, Jason; it’ll give me something to do.”
I turned and started walking back to the house her having to jog slightly to keep up with me. We were laughing and talking some more when my baby sister Lillianna came running up to me, blond curls bouncing as she tackled me shouting “Bubba!!!!”. I laughed and said “Hey, kiddo what’s with you attacking me?”
“Mama said I could help you paint your music room, so I came to find you, Bubba.” Lillianna said.
She jumped up into my arms me barely catching her as she laughed.
“My music room, Lilly, I don’t remember mama saying I could have one in this old town.”
“She changed her mind and said you could as long as I get to help paint it.”
But all that happiness and joking laughter left the minute Halloween rolled around and I was dared into the last house.
I walked slowly up the old drive-way to the old house that the town says is the place where the devil lies. Now me being a reckless, naïve teenaged guy yeah well I didn’t believe it. It was just some old house that was never bought so rumors circled about it being haunted that’s it all there is to it.
I walked inside and closed the door behind me, quietly gazing around to be sure that no one was about to jump out at me.
Three hours passed still no demons jumped out to drag me into the pits of hell. I sat down on an old sofa and lay down. That’s when the Cursed came out to play with their new human toy. It started slow, a small thud from the upstairs hall which I shook off as a rat that had bumped into something and caused it to fall. But then came the screams. At first it was as soft as a whisper but it grew steadily until it was a haunting chorus of screams that echoed from every corner of the old room.
I jumped up from the sofa and looked around the dingy old room. I had to get out of there fast. I tore through the house trying to reach the door but the main hall seemed to stretch on forever. The carpet rolled sending me sprawling across the stair way banister. I jumped back up to my feet and tore back into what used to be the family room. Mists formed floating in the air all over the room slowly taking the shapes of the Cursed. The screams kept sounding louder and louder I dropped to my knees as the Cursed swarmed and darkness fell over me. I felt their hands clawing at me and I woke up back in Wesson, Mississippi, three weeks before we move to Nightville.



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This article has 2 comments.


on Apr. 18 2012 at 5:27 pm
DaughteroftheTrumpet BRONZE, East Aurora, New York
2 articles 2 photos 214 comments

Favorite Quote:
Washington Irving once said “There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love.”

Teenink messed with my formating, so hopefully this will be of easier read.

yeesh,

summer,

I was to start

nothing new;

Telling the truth, well, I hated it there,

iPod,

“Oh, um sorry, so sorry I wasn’t paying attention to where I was walking; are you alright?” I asked.

…… Are you new here;

to the house, when

out of no where asked,
anyway,

“Bubba!”.

“Hey kiddo,

,” Lillianna said.

my arms, me barely

naïve teenaged guy, yeah, well, I didn’t

haunted, that’s

laid down

and louder, I dropped


on Apr. 18 2012 at 5:26 pm
DaughteroftheTrumpet BRONZE, East Aurora, New York
2 articles 2 photos 214 comments

Favorite Quote:
Washington Irving once said “There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love.”

Also, the ending seemed VERY rushed, like you just wanted to get the story over with, which really does take away from it, because you had a decent set up for it. Also, you introduced characters that really didn't have an meaning in the story, which for a short story just means a jumbled mess of names and random 'scenes", though they are much too short to be called such. So, my suggestion is that you go through and either remove the introduction of Calla Song and his little sister, OR write them in later. Perhaps Calla had something to do with the dare? But having 'dead' characters is confusing, because it seems that they really don't have a place in the story itself.

Other than that, it was an interesting concept, and though it was a bit choppy, the introduction was good.

But, anyway, I hope I am not being too harsh on you, but as a future editor, I am used to giving harsh critiques. Remember, these are just suggestions, as really the piece is YOURS, not mine. Good luck, and keep writing!



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