lying within

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Sitting on the bed hold in my father’s cold white hand. Mom’s lying next to him with her head on his chest, she hasn’t slept in days. Adam just came home from a soccer game in New Zealand, while I stayed back to help mom around the house. He’s just sitting in the chair in the corner on his blackberry. He hasn’t been the same since dad got sick, always so distance an never wants to hang out like we used to Mom says he’s just going through a hard time trying to find his place in life, but I think he has to much time on his hands. I’ve played soccer my whole life and would have given anything to get that scholarship, but family has always come first in my life. When dad got sick it wasn’t a major halt in our lives, at least not at first. Life went on like normal. He acted like there was nothing wrong, even though everyone new something had changed. My dad owned a major business taking old computers and turning them into something great, they were like the computers of the future. He was always so proud of his work. Next in line to take over the company was Adam seeing that he is the oldest. Age should really come after maturity because I really did not think that Adam was ready to take over such a big responsibility. All our lives we got everything we ever wanted, I mean why not? We had the money for it. There’s a responsible way to use money and then there’s the immature way. My parents always wanted us to have everything we ever wanted but always reminded us of our morals and who we are as a person. I tried everyday to not let the power of money get to my head and focus more on the lessons I learned in my life to help me grow. That’s why I started playing soccer. Adam and I would always kick the soccer ball around when we were kids; Adam drifted away from soccer even though he had great potential. I took it more seriously as I got older; I played on the teams in middle school and all through high school. I was always on varsity and helped coach elementary school. When I got to senior year my coach pulled me aside and told me that I was one of the greatest soccer players he had ever had privilege to coach and offered me a full scholarship to Duke University. It had been my dream to go to Duke and play as a blue devil, soccer had been my life and it had finally paid off. The first person I told about my scholarship was Adam, over the phone of course since he was hardly ever around. He told me that soccer wasn’t a career. They just gave me the scholarship because my dad paid them to. That way he wouldn’t have to hear me cry about not getting one. I honestly believe Adam wished he would have done more in his life then just throw parties for random people that he doesn’t know, and throw away his money. I spent all Christmas break packing my bags getting ready to go to New Zealand for the soccer tournament, there were a couple sponsors that were going to be there who wanted to see me play. Right as I was about to leave my mom came running into my room tears steaming down her cheek, I’ll never forget what she said to me. She told me that I couldn’t go to New Zealand because my dad had just slipped in to a coma and she needed my support. At the very moment I felt my knees grow weak and my skin quiver. I felt like all my hard work had been erased from my life, but I couldn’t let my mother see that. I smiled and told her I would always be here for her and started to unpack. All the thoughts running through my head trying to figure out what I was going to tell my coach. All the time and effort I put into the last 7 years of my life. Adam came into my room and pated me on the back and told me that he was going to stick it out with me till the end and that he was going to be here for mom and me through this whole thing, then he hugged me and left. When I finally stopped crying and talked my self out of losing the scholarship I made my way downstairs to thank Adam, but before I even made it in the kitchen my mom came out crying. She told me Adam had left to go to New Zealand with some friends to watch the soccer tournament. My fist clenched and my eyes were almost blood shot, I would never forgive him.



Adam and I were dating for about a year and 7 months. When we first met, we were at a party that he had at his house. He was always a party animal but I thought he was so sweet the way he would show me off to his friends and always buy me the cutest gifts. He would spend so much money on me; I always thought it was because he cared about me. That’s what I though for the whole year and 7 many months. As it got closer to the end of our relationship I wanted to settle down with someone and get more serious, and end the crazy parties; but Adam wasn’t ready to move on with his life and get serious. He started having parties without telling me and hanging out with other girls for “business meetings” every night till after midnight. I tried not to let it bother me so I always believed him. I never liked fighting with him because there was no use; he always won in his mind. It was never about our relationship, it was just about him trying to show off, and making in image for himself. Christmas morning I came over to try to talk to him about everything, start over to get both of our sides figured out, but he decided to sit there on the couch and not talk to anyone. He kept saying over and over again how he would much rather be anywhere but here. His mother and I told him that he should be thankful for the things he has especially on Christmas day with all his friends and family around, but all he could think about was the next best thing. The whole time I was there he was on his phone and finally he got up and said he was going to go get a flat screen. I mean who does that on Christmas? That really showed me what kind of a person he was. I told him if he didn’t start caring more about his family and me, that I would leave. And I did.


I always loved my kids and my wife. It got hard at times but I only intended the best for my family. I’ll admit that I was a little harder on Adam, but he was the oldest and needed to grow up to be a man, to take care of his family. I never thought I would get so sick. I tried to hide it so I didn’t scare Jane, she’s an amazing women and I will love her forever even on the days I don’t show it. Connor was my prized son. He was amazing at soccer and I regret all the games and practices that I didn’t go to, but there was work to be done. Hopefully someday he will understand that. Adam was always kind of troubled; he lost his way when I wasn’t around. Always throwing parties and switching from girl to girl. I told him time and time again that he wasn’t going to make it in life with that type of attitude but he would never take the time to listen to me, he would always think of it as I was trying to change him. Or pick on him. I truly just wanted the best for my boy, that’s why when Karen came into his life I thought she was going to be the one he was going to settle down with and start a family, but he just messed that up like the rest of his life. I think he always thought I was the hardest on him because Connor had his life together and knew what he wanted to do in life. I know that Adam wanted a better life I just don’t think he was ready to be an adult. I know that my family may have been disappointed in me. I was never around and life was getting hard especially during Christmas but I did everything with great intentions. To make their lives better so they could always have whatever they wanted, but now looking back maybe giving them everything they needed wasn’t the best? That’s when I decided to sell the company. I knew a guy in San Antonio who was looking to take over the business; I wrote him letters and finally decided to close the deal. I was going break the news to everyone after Christmas because I had already signed the papers. I knew it was the only way I could get involved with my family again. I hope that they will all understand that everything I do is only for the best.




Everyone always thought that they were better than me. I never got any respect at home. It was always “Adam do this,” “Adam do that,” “Adam you don’t do enough,” “Adam you need a job.” I was so done being treated like a child and having Connor is the saint in the family? That’s not how it works. I would have parties every weekend and have more than 200 people here sometimes. My place was where it was at. Connor would always tell me how they weren’t my real friends, but how would he know about real friends? He was “in-love” with soccer; I mean he’s never even had a girlfriend. That’s the reason I went to New Zealand to show him how to be a real man, so what moms crying if you want to go to New Zealand than go! Karen on the other hand, yeah she was good in bed but that’s about it. All I ever heard come out of her mouth was how she wanted to get married and settle down, that is not my thing and I’m glad she left; I was going to dump her soon anyway. The really shocking thing that I found out is that my dad was going to sell the company. I was snooping around in his mail one night and found the letters to this guy in San Antonio. I wrote a letter back to him canceling the deal. Now I couldn’t let my sick old father make that happen now could I? Of course not, I mean I am next in line I have to look out for my family. No one really found out what happened to him or how he went into shock and fell into a coma. Well lucky for me I knew exactly what happened. When I herd that he was going to sell the company I slipped liquid mercury into his protein shakes which he drinks 3 times a day, I knew the old man was going to get sick and finally pass, so all my problems would be solved. No more, “Adam get a job,” “be more responsible.” I run this company now and I’ll be the one telling everyone else to be more responsible.





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