I stood by the water’s edge; the dark blue poison creeping towards me every so often then being pulled back by the moon’s gravitational pull. I sucked in a deep breath, why had I come here?-To get over my fear or for just plain stubbornness Which, I did not know. The wind echoed my chilling thoughts; sending tingles down my spine. Without warning the tide came in slightly and wrapped itself around my pale feet. I stifled a scream; the seas liquid arms grabbed my ankles tugging me to come towards it. I moved back, telling myself all I had to do was take a few steps but then the wind approached again but not softly like before. It did not tap my shoulder letting me know it was there, it roared melodiously and blew my hair in front of my ashen face. I couldn’t differentiate between my dark hair and the dark ruthless sea. It pulled me under and for a shear moment I stared up at the pastel coloured sky. It was shallow but I got sucked in deeper and deeper. I was no longer in my territory. You can’t fight or attack something that cannot be held. The images of the sky rippled and distorted beyond recognition. My mouth opened; wanting to yell for someone but no sound came out. Only water came in and filled my mouth and lungs with salt like fresh sardines sliding down my throat. My eyes burned but no tears rolled down my face, they washed away with the waves. I tried with all my might to break free. My throat was closing and then I shattered through the duvet of sea on top of me before it was too late. Although I felt exhaustion sweep over me, I gasped for air and ran towards the safety of the dull pebbles on the forlorn beach. Each breath was jagged as my clothes clung to my skin; weighing me down. I used to love to swim so how had it come to this? I shouldn’t have asked myself, the pain was too great. I couldn’t cope with seeing them- the creatures of the sea with their beautiful but deadly smile, silky locks made from gold and teeth carved from pearls. I shook my head vigorously; I couldn’t let them get in my head, not again! I was not a doll that could be fixed or primed nor was I a robot who followed other people’s orders simply because they told me to do so. My heart raced with the wind, flying high above the sea towards the clouds-towards freedom and safety- Sweet, succulent, safety that I could taste on the tip off my tongue as I licked my salty lips. I would beat this; I wouldn’t avoid the sea forever. It was as much mine as it was theirs. Home was where the heart was and mine was sliced down the middle, half on land and half in the ocean.
Washing away the past.
November 6, 2011