The Killer

October 7, 2011
By Naomi518 GOLD, Windsor, Connecticut
Naomi518 GOLD, Windsor, Connecticut
11 articles 15 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light" ~Albus Dumbledore


I’ve been keeping an eye on him for a few weeks.
He will never know though.
Because every day I’m someone else. New face, new identity.
I’m good at disguising myself.
It didn’t take long to know most of his life.
He’s a business man. No family. No life.
He’s tall, skinny, and awkward looking.
Every morning, he drives a few blocks to Starbucks.
He orders a coffee with two shots of espresso, one squirt of milk and one Sweet-and-Low.
He takes a free newspaper that will sit in his drivers’ seat all day, untouched.
He gets back into the car and drives the rest of the way to work.
He sits at his desk all day, doing work that could put anyone to sleep in a heartbeat.
He takes a lunch break. He eats his turkey salad with light ranch dressing and a Diet Pepsi.
When all his work is done, he leaves to go home, where he watches the news and eats pasta with spaghetti sauce and a Diet Pepsi.
He eventually decides to shower and go to bed.

Tonight. I decided I had to tonight.
I followed him home.
I watched him eat his pasta. For the last time.
I watched him drink his Diet Pepsi. For the last time.
I watched him watch the news. For the last time.
I waited for him to get in the shower.
I crawled into his bedroom window.
I made sure to stay in the shadows.
By the time Stanley Stevens saw me, he was dead.



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This article has 6 comments.


on Nov. 24 2011 at 10:38 pm
tweetiebruce PLATINUM, Sydney, Other
24 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is like music - You can make mistakes so you try again. But when the piece can't be helped you try again another time.

Sometimes I think it helps to not leave to much out, yes let the reader use their imagination but I think you need more detail in this particular story. Allaborate on the fact that you had to really snoop to find out about this stuff or maybe about his past. 

Naomi518 GOLD said...
on Nov. 24 2011 at 7:51 pm
Naomi518 GOLD, Windsor, Connecticut
11 articles 15 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light" ~Albus Dumbledore

I sort of wanted to leave a few things blank...but I guess I left out too much.

on Nov. 24 2011 at 3:11 pm
harrypotter143, Uxbridge, Other
0 articles 2 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
Since everybody is an individual, nobody can be you. You are unique. No one can tell you how to use your time. It is yours. Your life is your own. You mold it. You make it.

~ Eleanor Roosevelt ♥*

hey naomi! it's me again :)

so, i don't really understand your story.. it was good, but a little too fast paced.

it doesn't say why the killer chose to kill the man, or how he started out stalking him. it would be great if you could explain more, so i could really appreciate this work of art more (:


Naomi518 GOLD said...
on Oct. 24 2011 at 6:44 pm
Naomi518 GOLD, Windsor, Connecticut
11 articles 15 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light" ~Albus Dumbledore

thanks! the point of not describing how he killed him was to make the readers think what this killer would do :)

on Oct. 24 2011 at 5:56 pm
wordjunkie BRONZE, Houston, Texas
1 article 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
Those who say it can't be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.

This was good. I like the repeated Diet Pepsi, the little details. I would have liked more of them though. But really good!

BluBliss GOLD said...
on Oct. 20 2011 at 4:44 am
BluBliss GOLD, New York, New York
14 articles 0 photos 161 comments

Favorite Quote:
Bella's love for Edward was like, "Omg. He's hot. He's mine because he sparkles. Now I'll brood the wholle book while I'm with him."

I really like how you descrbed everything in such detail. It really showed that the killer was watching him. But what happens?! I really would like to know that. :) So, it was a pretty good story overall. I give it five stars.


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