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Song Vignette: Tender Lumplings This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

The hall was run down. It also looked like it hadn’t been used in years. Didn’t stop the madman who owned it from chasing him. Or prevent the facility from being in very good condition.
He wouldn’t be so panicked if he wasn’t in for a fate worse than death. The infernal song echoing around the place was most definitely not helping. It sounded like it was playing from an old record player. Also it had to be live whenever it was recorded. This train of thought isn’t helping you, his mind said. He skidded down a junction in the hallways, and ran into an old operating room, it was visually very messed up.
“Found You!” A very childlike voice cried. He froze.
Not here, not him, not now.
“I… I do not want to play your games.” He took off hoping to escape. Then he noticed the song had ended. He tripped.
“Not good not good not good not good not good…” he repeated over and over. A figure then showed up. A boyish looking man wearing a vividly colored tuxedo was now standing over him. However, the tux was stained by grease, oil and bodily liquids he’d rather not identify.
“Why did you run?” He asked meekly.
“Because you fool, you would have done unspeakable things to my body and soul.”
“Yes yes, I get that, but the merciful lady and the mechanical man said you would gain things from it.” He turned on him, mechanical limbs holding tools of assembly revealing themselves and coming closer to him, intent on replacing his body with machines. He tried to scream, tried so very hard. He heard no sound ever escape his lips and the pain started. He resigned himself to his fate. Thomas would never be the same, but at least he held some comfort in that he would live, even if the comfort was so very, very, small.
“So take your time as the full moon grows, and may the good lord save your soul!” The song sang.




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This article has 9 comments. Post your own!

swifthearth said...
Jan. 14, 2012 at 6:59 pm:
This story is very good. It flows along quite well and the characters are well developed. The main problem found in this piece is your dramatic errors. For instance, when you wrote "not good...", you could have added more commas to differentiate each phrase. It might also help if you rephrase some sentences perhaps rearranging some words. This will maximize the already impressive flow in your piece. Other than these critics, it was amazing. I hope to read more from you.
 
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recurring_resilience said...
Jan. 14, 2012 at 6:35 pm:
What exactly is a tender lumpling? Oh and btw well, written; you do a very good job at describing the surroundings without diminishing the story.
 
DJEldritchPrince replied...
Jan. 14, 2012 at 6:53 pm :
Ask Danny Elfman what a tender lumpling is. I have no idea myself.
 
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LiveToLoveThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 14, 2012 at 6:23 pm:
I'm creeped out; consider your goal accomplished. Your spelling and grammar are flawless, you color details vividly, and you convey emotion very well. I have not critique... Keep it up!
 
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iamthebestThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 13, 2012 at 12:49 pm:
nice. i can't write something as good as that.
 
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ChrysaoraThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 8, 2012 at 1:03 pm:
I can see why it got the award! It was good; interestingly written
 
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idc-wat-they-think said...
Dec. 23, 2011 at 3:50 pm:
wow thats was realy good and creepy lol
 
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CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 23, 2011 at 1:05 pm:
Well, this certainly deserves the Editor's Choice Award! Your grammar and spelling are good and your descriptions bring suspense to your story. I have no criticism, so excellent work!
 
Turbocharger replied...
Dec. 23, 2011 at 1:08 pm :
Thanks. I'll admit, this was written as an opening to a movie, oddly enough!
 
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