Of Death and Laughter

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It was over at the pinnacle of his delight. At the heighth of his merry way down the road. The end was there and the end was passed. The game played. The curtain down. He was no more satisfied by the wanderings of the creature before him, nor was he remorseful of his deed. The past was behind him and the voice was silent. The night had cocooned his mind with the foggy disownedge that is madness. His hand twitched, and he put it to his side.
The knife in his other hand stopped its carving. He gazed at the body, wide eyed and no longer screaming. It was dead. His toy was broken.
He had best go out and find another.





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OwenDark said...
May 18, 2012 at 9:15 am
woah dude, the whole 'His toy was broken' thing was really creepy. Your stories are really disconcerting but that makes you an awesome horror writer
 
KateLA said...
May 17, 2012 at 11:14 pm
I'm sorry it just doesn't capture me in any sort of way, but I'll give you good criticism like I said I would. It doesn't mention he is in any way moving until the 8th sentence which takes the reader off guard in a clumsy sort of way. In the thirteen sentences it has, it just needs more explanation and detail. For example by ellaborating; instead of 'wide-eyed and no longer screaming' you could have said: He gazed at the body, staring glassy-eyed (and muted by death) or (and silenced by the reso... (more »)
 
IntrepidRose This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 25, 2011 at 12:55 pm
I like it, but I thought I'd point out that, At the heighth of his merry way down the road, is not a complete sentence.
 
youngpilot said...
Jan. 24, 2011 at 3:06 pm
sounds like a creepy serial murderer to me!
 
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