Guilty Stains | Teen Ink

Guilty Stains

July 15, 2010
By MakenaB_mjbc99 BRONZE, Brookline, Massachusetts
MakenaB_mjbc99 BRONZE, Brookline, Massachusetts
4 articles 1 photo 31 comments

Young Brown dashed to the crime scene as soon as he was called. He got to Café 5, the crime scene, and found the police gathered around the victim. Together with them was the famous Vancouver detective, Walter M. Morris, renowned not only for his crime solving capability but also for his great skill at investigating the private life of specific people. Morris was never found without his old, wooden smoking pipe.
Detective Anthony Brown found that the cold pale body on the floor was property of Thomas Raw, Café 5’s owner. Anthony crouched down to take a closer look at the body. All of a sudden, an ox strong grip took hold of Brown’s shoulder. The young man jumped up and found Morris an inch away of his eyes. He shook off a deep shiver rising up his spine. They greeted each other and went over to a corner to discuss the case.
The theory was as followed: one Tuesday night, Mr. Raw stayed up late working at his shop, cleaning the floor. Someone had surprised him from behind with the gift of a broken neck. His wife got worried and headed off to her love’s store where she found him sleeping on the ground, never to get up again.
Brown decided to go step by step. First, he would inspect the shop and interrogate his main suspect, Mrs. Raw. He got a sizzled cup of coffee and begun his tasks. He examined his crime scene, and was left open mouthed. Not even a clue of the murderer’s entrance. Perhaps, he would have more luck with Mrs. Raw.

As the detective got to the house he noticed a blood stain on the door handle. He got out a slick and shinny gun and hid it close, just in case. He rang the bell a few seconds. After a moment, a lady came out.
Her hair was short and made her look like a cherry with emerald eyes and ruby threads. She was dressed up like if she was going somewhere. The questions had begun as soon as possible.
Q: Did you love your husband?
A: Yes. The true question is … did he love me?
Q: What does that mean?
A: We had a small quarrel a few days ago at dinner, around two I think. He cut my hand with a sharp knife. Its blade did not cut deep into me. Then, I ran out to a hotel. I think he sent to look for me. A man started out for me. There, I lost a copy of Café 5 keys. Luckily, I have another.
Brown realized she was not the one. Mrs. Raw gave him a bill she had found. It was dirty. A dusty black smudge crawled over it. Brown put it safely into an evidence bag.

Brown’s eyes were back on the body. He looked at the injury and found the same black dusty smudge. Now, a smile was on every corner of his mouth. You could see his teeth plucked out. His eyes lit up like a match. He was then invited by Walter to a drink at a bar.
After some drinks, Walter headed off to the men’s toilet and left Anthony his crooked pipe. Anthony held it for him with pleasure. When Morris was back, Brown handed him his pipe. As he took his hand away he noticed a black dusty stain. Anthony’s eyes glowed. Morris made a frown when he understood what happened. Brown rushed out the bar and dashed into Café 5.
Anthony slightly opened the shop door and got near the body. He glared at the black dust on the neck of Mr. Raw. “Morris,” Brown whispered. He had been with the murderer all along! His new theory was that Raw had hired Morris to spy on his wife. He looked for her and got a copy of the shop keys. When the detective was not paid, he got into the shop and killed Raw!
All of the sudden a black shape came out of the dark with thunderous footsteps.
“You were looking for me?”

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This article has 494 comments.

Ale M said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 5:06 pm
Beautifully written, great plot. Keep up the excellent work!

Sponge Bob said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 5:04 pm
Amazing piece!

Meme said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 5:01 pm
On the steps of Agatha Christie!

Juju said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 4:59 pm
Super! This story leaves you wanting for more.

BettyRo said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 4:48 pm
Was it love, was it passion, was it greed?

MMgee said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 4:46 pm
Fabulous & colourful descriptions. Great narrative.

Lesch said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 4:45 pm
Neat short sentences that portray a dramatic effect. Its ALL suspense.

Fern Fern said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 4:43 pm
Great job! Sequel coming soon?

Deer said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 4:42 pm
I felt the creeps upon reading the last words.

Mere said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 4:41 pm
Absolutely great story.

Pat Sim said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 4:40 pm
Keep penning!

Paure said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 2:14 pm
Although absolutely different styles, I had as much fun with your short video/cartoon "Play Back" as with this thriller. You seem to be comfortable with the educational side as much as with the suspense and the fun loving clean humor. Congrats!

Caro said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 1:47 pm
"Bricks of Knoweledge" that's the best. Waiting for this one in your signature style of short video/cartoon.

MoniME said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 1:43 pm
What about "El Poder"? Love your work!

MmeLB said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 1:42 pm
Is the cartoon/short video "Greek Legacy" also yours?

JohnD said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 1:40 pm
First step of a wonderful career.

cheryl lown said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 12:54 pm
Excellent. I will wait for the next one.

carl lewis said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 12:53 pm
Simply, the best!

tony p said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 12:51 pm
I really like it!

Miki said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 12:36 pm
Will it be a "CAFE 5" Saga?

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