Guilty Stains | Teen Ink

Guilty Stains

July 15, 2010
By MakenaB_mjbc99 BRONZE, Brookline, Massachusetts
MakenaB_mjbc99 BRONZE, Brookline, Massachusetts
4 articles 1 photo 31 comments

Young Brown dashed to the crime scene as soon as he was called. He got to Café 5, the crime scene, and found the police gathered around the victim. Together with them was the famous Vancouver detective, Walter M. Morris, renowned not only for his crime solving capability but also for his great skill at investigating the private life of specific people. Morris was never found without his old, wooden smoking pipe.
Detective Anthony Brown found that the cold pale body on the floor was property of Thomas Raw, Café 5’s owner. Anthony crouched down to take a closer look at the body. All of a sudden, an ox strong grip took hold of Brown’s shoulder. The young man jumped up and found Morris an inch away of his eyes. He shook off a deep shiver rising up his spine. They greeted each other and went over to a corner to discuss the case.
The theory was as followed: one Tuesday night, Mr. Raw stayed up late working at his shop, cleaning the floor. Someone had surprised him from behind with the gift of a broken neck. His wife got worried and headed off to her love’s store where she found him sleeping on the ground, never to get up again.
Brown decided to go step by step. First, he would inspect the shop and interrogate his main suspect, Mrs. Raw. He got a sizzled cup of coffee and begun his tasks. He examined his crime scene, and was left open mouthed. Not even a clue of the murderer’s entrance. Perhaps, he would have more luck with Mrs. Raw.

As the detective got to the house he noticed a blood stain on the door handle. He got out a slick and shinny gun and hid it close, just in case. He rang the bell a few seconds. After a moment, a lady came out.
Her hair was short and made her look like a cherry with emerald eyes and ruby threads. She was dressed up like if she was going somewhere. The questions had begun as soon as possible.
Q: Did you love your husband?
A: Yes. The true question is … did he love me?
Q: What does that mean?
A: We had a small quarrel a few days ago at dinner, around two I think. He cut my hand with a sharp knife. Its blade did not cut deep into me. Then, I ran out to a hotel. I think he sent to look for me. A man started out for me. There, I lost a copy of Café 5 keys. Luckily, I have another.
Brown realized she was not the one. Mrs. Raw gave him a bill she had found. It was dirty. A dusty black smudge crawled over it. Brown put it safely into an evidence bag.

Brown’s eyes were back on the body. He looked at the injury and found the same black dusty smudge. Now, a smile was on every corner of his mouth. You could see his teeth plucked out. His eyes lit up like a match. He was then invited by Walter to a drink at a bar.
After some drinks, Walter headed off to the men’s toilet and left Anthony his crooked pipe. Anthony held it for him with pleasure. When Morris was back, Brown handed him his pipe. As he took his hand away he noticed a black dusty stain. Anthony’s eyes glowed. Morris made a frown when he understood what happened. Brown rushed out the bar and dashed into Café 5.
Anthony slightly opened the shop door and got near the body. He glared at the black dust on the neck of Mr. Raw. “Morris,” Brown whispered. He had been with the murderer all along! His new theory was that Raw had hired Morris to spy on his wife. He looked for her and got a copy of the shop keys. When the detective was not paid, he got into the shop and killed Raw!
All of the sudden a black shape came out of the dark with thunderous footsteps.
“You were looking for me?”



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This article has 494 comments.


Cecil said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 8:08 pm
Loved it!!!!!!!!!!

bb queen said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 7:00 pm
Exquisite!!!!

Gracie said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 5:44 pm
Excellent!

Fabo Ph said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 3:53 pm
Concise, precise, to the point! No beating around the bush. Well written thriller.

Diego M said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 3:51 pm
A new star has been born!

Barny N said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 3:48 pm
Can't believe you are only 11 years old. Amazing. Well done kid.

Chuck said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 3:47 pm
I can even smell the rich coffee aroma from Cafe 5.

Temoin said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 3:41 pm
Anxiously waiting for the short video! Will it be coming soon? Hope so. Let us know!

Grey's said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 3:39 pm

Keep it flowing, keep it rolling!

Luz- Camara-Accion!


Mr Jones said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 3:37 pm
Great thriller! I have just seen your videos too. Unbelievable you are only 11 years old! WOW!

Zel_Mira said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 3:36 pm
Totally Amazing!

Ted E said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 3:29 pm
Keep on contributing with cool stories and videos.Great work.

Fenix1001 said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 1:57 pm
Fenix1001, Toronto, Other
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
Excellent! Are you and Andy B related in some way?

IsiH said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 1:42 pm
You are right. Hard to find in todays date. Makes me think of the traditional English mysteries.

Deb Marn said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 1:41 pm
Entertaing. Keeps suspense. Well written. Last but not least it doesn't make your stomach turn uside down with disgausting images. Congratulations.

The Lab said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 1:37 pm
Waiting to process samples from Detective Brown's next murder case.

DhDh said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 1:35 pm
Anything for DNA or the chemistry lab in the next story? Loved it.

Steve said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 1:34 pm
I am thinking of throwing away all my pipes now ... Okay that was just a joke. I truly enjoyed your story very much. Well done.

Vivi said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 1:32 pm
The effect at the end leaves you with your heart beating fast and without breath.

BreBt said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 1:31 pm
Fully agree with Tom. Loved it.


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