Guilty Stains

July 15, 2010
Young Brown dashed to the crime scene as soon as he was called. He got to Café 5, the crime scene, and found the police gathered around the victim. Together with them was the famous Vancouver detective, Walter M. Morris, renowned not only for his crime solving capability but also for his great skill at investigating the private life of specific people. Morris was never found without his old, wooden smoking pipe.
Detective Anthony Brown found that the cold pale body on the floor was property of Thomas Raw, Café 5’s owner. Anthony crouched down to take a closer look at the body. All of a sudden, an ox strong grip took hold of Brown’s shoulder. The young man jumped up and found Morris an inch away of his eyes. He shook off a deep shiver rising up his spine. They greeted each other and went over to a corner to discuss the case.
The theory was as followed: one Tuesday night, Mr. Raw stayed up late working at his shop, cleaning the floor. Someone had surprised him from behind with the gift of a broken neck. His wife got worried and headed off to her love’s store where she found him sleeping on the ground, never to get up again.
Brown decided to go step by step. First, he would inspect the shop and interrogate his main suspect, Mrs. Raw. He got a sizzled cup of coffee and begun his tasks. He examined his crime scene, and was left open mouthed. Not even a clue of the murderer’s entrance. Perhaps, he would have more luck with Mrs. Raw.

As the detective got to the house he noticed a blood stain on the door handle. He got out a slick and shinny gun and hid it close, just in case. He rang the bell a few seconds. After a moment, a lady came out.
Her hair was short and made her look like a cherry with emerald eyes and ruby threads. She was dressed up like if she was going somewhere. The questions had begun as soon as possible.
Q: Did you love your husband?
A: Yes. The true question is … did he love me?
Q: What does that mean?
A: We had a small quarrel a few days ago at dinner, around two I think. He cut my hand with a sharp knife. Its blade did not cut deep into me. Then, I ran out to a hotel. I think he sent to look for me. A man started out for me. There, I lost a copy of Café 5 keys. Luckily, I have another.
Brown realized she was not the one. Mrs. Raw gave him a bill she had found. It was dirty. A dusty black smudge crawled over it. Brown put it safely into an evidence bag.

Brown’s eyes were back on the body. He looked at the injury and found the same black dusty smudge. Now, a smile was on every corner of his mouth. You could see his teeth plucked out. His eyes lit up like a match. He was then invited by Walter to a drink at a bar.
After some drinks, Walter headed off to the men’s toilet and left Anthony his crooked pipe. Anthony held it for him with pleasure. When Morris was back, Brown handed him his pipe. As he took his hand away he noticed a black dusty stain. Anthony’s eyes glowed. Morris made a frown when he understood what happened. Brown rushed out the bar and dashed into Café 5.
Anthony slightly opened the shop door and got near the body. He glared at the black dust on the neck of Mr. Raw. “Morris,” Brown whispered. He had been with the murderer all along! His new theory was that Raw had hired Morris to spy on his wife. He looked for her and got a copy of the shop keys. When the detective was not paid, he got into the shop and killed Raw!
All of the sudden a black shape came out of the dark with thunderous footsteps.
“You were looking for me?”

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This article has 493 comments. Post your own now!

Kelz1141 said...
Oct. 1, 2010 at 12:03 pm
Nice Story, I really like the plot but I think it is a little choppy and needs some more narrative.
MakenaB_mjbc99 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Oct. 28, 2010 at 8:01 am
Thanks! This will realy help me in my next stories.
july g said...
Sept. 30, 2010 at 7:56 am
Very nice!
ricky freiser said...
Sept. 9, 2010 at 7:06 pm
Sorprenden T
pet sam said...
Sept. 9, 2010 at 7:05 pm
jenny said...
Sept. 9, 2010 at 7:03 pm
very very goooood
tt jones said...
Sept. 9, 2010 at 7:02 pm
Well done !
MysteryMan said...
Sept. 1, 2010 at 11:18 am
That was an excellent story. Very nice job.
MakenaB_mjbc99 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Oct. 28, 2010 at 8:02 am
Thank you!
frnkplss55 said...
Aug. 31, 2010 at 3:38 pm
O my gosh that was an awesome story? Are there any more? I want to know what happens next!!!
MakenaB_mjbc99 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Oct. 28, 2010 at 8:03 am
Thank you, I do plan on continueing the second part of 'Guilty Stains' soon.
richard malcovics said...
Aug. 27, 2010 at 7:46 am
Very good story.
SharpieChance said...
Aug. 17, 2010 at 7:58 pm
Good mystery
tulio d'genaro said...
Aug. 17, 2010 at 7:39 pm
Maia Z said...
Aug. 16, 2010 at 9:41 am
Well done. Loved your story and your videos.
Jon P said...
Aug. 16, 2010 at 9:35 am
Dear mjbc99, very entertaining thriller. I also enjoyed your videos very much "Thanks to Science", "Science is the answer" & "Science is the Key to the Answer" defiently show in 90 seconds the different angles of SCIENCE, "Bricks of Knowledge" absolutely conveys the message, "Greek Legacy" is fun and educational and "Play Back" has an elegant, clean and fresh sense of humor.
peter capo said...
Aug. 15, 2010 at 5:49 pm
Excellent !!!
aya tu said...
Aug. 15, 2010 at 5:48 pm
Very nice story.
tienne rien said...
Aug. 15, 2010 at 5:47 pm
sabi hobi said...
Aug. 15, 2010 at 5:47 pm
Very good.
m & m said...
Aug. 15, 2010 at 5:46 pm
---> !!!!!!!!!
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