November 21, 2009
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The dog looks at me and tilts its head, showing a pair of yellow teeth and a scarlet tongue. I smiled and grabbed its leash from the hook. I walk awkwardly through the grounds of the hospital, making sure that my mask is on. I’m greeted by kids crowding around the silky smooth texture of his fur. A kid looked at me and smiled my reflection in his head. He pets him softly, whispering how good he was in his ear. He sat up and mouthed a quick thank you, and left. The freshly brushed fur going thousands of different directions. I looked at his fur and my smile faded. Why does it have to be like this? I whispered as my thoughts got caught by a kid in a chair being rushed down the hall, the same kid as earlier. My shorts vibrated in my pocket, I reached in and flipped the phone open.
“Did you do it?” He asked.
“Yes” I responded sadly.
“You didn’t!” He said in shock.
“Yes I did, and I’m not proud of it.” I said looking at the retriever.
“Ya whatever so you have the needle the mixture?” He asked
“Well ya but what’s the mixture for?”It” I asked questionably.
“I think it makes the dog stop barking for a while so it looks like he got what they got.” He answered.
“Oh ok I got-to-go.” I said quickly as I saw the same nurse pass by into room seven.
“Ok remember, get in get out and book it.” He said quickly. I shut my phone and started walking towards room seven. The kids’ chest was popping up and down in a painful rhythm. As I walked in I wrapped the dogs leash around the chair. The nurses and family exited the room, leaving me and the kid. I looked down at his strained eyes, revealing pain and misery. A tear rolled down my cheek as he grabbed my wrist and made the hair on the back of my neck stiffen. I grabbed my backpack and took out a needle and the vaccine and grabbed his wrist. He tried to back away, but he was too weak. I took a heavy sigh and plugged it into his arm. He started to cry, but then started to grow dizzy. I grabbed a cup of water and dumped the dense brown mixture into it. I swirled it around a few times before holding it to the kids’ lips. He nodded ever so slightly, and sipped it to the core of the cup. I glanced at his monitor; too see that his heart rate was going normal. The hospital was flipping out, a new illness that had just touched the kids. I grabbed my dog’s leash and went to the bathroom. With the door shut, I grabbed a paper towel and poured some water on it. I brushed it against the fur of the dog, removing all the poison from its fur. After I was sure I had it all out, I looked at the dog one more time. I opened the bathroom door and looked outside. I was now a prisoner of the illness, and the hospital would never know how to counter act it. I sat down on a bench and set the dog free. Free from the illness, free from life, free from burdens.

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This article has 14 comments. Post your own now!

tammysaurus101 said...
Jun. 8, 2012 at 1:07 pm
whoa ok greaat message :)
Vantaxlia said...
Oct. 10, 2011 at 8:22 pm
I really enjoyed the concept, though the grammar and wording in the dialogue could certainly use some polishing and the overall vocabulary could be improved. Also in the beginning paragraph you did a little switching back and forth between tenses; it's always best to remain in one tense for the entirety of the story unless you're shifting time frames. Regardelss, it was very interesting and you have some definite writing potential.
Tiff_luvstigers said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 1:27 pm
It was very good. But kind of confusing at the same time.. nice writing
Kell_Bell13 said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 11:07 am
That's it?! I wanted to read more!! Very intriguing! Your punctation/ grammar started slipping a little in the middle though. Try having a friend edit it... Other than that It was great and I hope to read more!!!
TheScribe said...
May 31, 2011 at 7:30 pm
Yeah, i think if you cleared up the dialogue a bit, this would be even better! But overall, this was very intreguing. Loved it :)
PJD17 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 30, 2011 at 5:34 pm
good story could you please check out and comment on my story Manso's Shame  i would really appreciate the feedback 
iWriter said...
Jan. 19, 2011 at 9:35 pm
I understood it perfectly, it was really good. The grammar didin't distract me. Your a good writer. I was hooked when I realized it had something with disease.
JNH624 said...
Jan. 12, 2011 at 4:11 pm
Awesome :D. Punctuation did slip around the phone call, but it's still really good. I like the concept. Bioterrorism, except with small children :(
Jsullivan said...
Jan. 3, 2011 at 7:35 am
I liked it, but to be honest I got a bit confused in some parts. :/ Its okay though.
Dragonscribe said...
Oct. 1, 2010 at 4:33 pm
um...great story, well-written and everything, but i didn't really get it. and when they started saying "ya" and you lost some of your punctuation i didn't like it at all. but it's a nice piece.
Anna3 said...
Jun. 13, 2010 at 7:48 pm
I like it. Its mysterious, but it makes you want to keep reading. Good job!:D
KillerButterfly said...
May 27, 2010 at 9:12 am
I like it! Very well written.
MyScreenName said...
May 18, 2010 at 8:47 pm


Not bad, not good.

Gotta work a bit on text, and language, and story, but not too bad.  

Sebastian replied...
Jan. 6, 2012 at 11:05 am
I'm not sure that I like it. The beginning as well as the middle passage were confusing. When you used dialogue, there were some sentences that weren't complete and instead of making details clear to make the reader understand what is going on, you left me to question what was going on. I was interested in reading your story, but once i got started and saw the text errors and the disorganized nature, I didn't want to read it anymore.
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