The Deadly Stream (2)

September 24, 2009
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The fast flowing current of this deep stream was a reminder of the day that changed my life, for the better.
Five years ago I gave birth to a baby girl; it was an unexpected and rather unwanted mistake. My boyfriend left me, and I was left to take care of Jessica, a job I never wanted. Jessica was sweet, but stood in my way of getting my dream job and my dream family.
Three years ago my daughter Jessica was playing by a stream near our house, she was two years old, trying to skip rocks as I had showed her so many times before. She put a great effort into a throw that caused her to lose her balance and on the slippery edge of a large bolder. She screamed and fell into the stream; I spun around and saw Jessica being pushed under the currents of such a life sucking stream of water.
“Mommy, save me!” a smile crept upon my face.
I stood there watching her; she had a terrified face on, and was staring at death. I followed her down the river, to a pool of water that sucked her to the bottom of the whirl pool. Jessica struggled but was running out of energy and became limp. Her body was spit out of the turning water and was shoved to the edge of the pool. I looked at her for a minute checked for a heartbeat and found nothing.
She was gone…

Well, as they say,

“Accidents happen.”

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This article has 9 comments. Post your own now!

suckerpunch234 said...
Sept. 1, 2010 at 6:55 pm
Wow so great...a little scary that she was so glad that she was dead but just they same...good...very good
fictionluver replied...
Sept. 2, 2010 at 10:36 pm
Thank you for your coment :)
Blue4 said...
Sept. 1, 2010 at 4:47 pm
Excellent job! Creepy, sad that the main character is such a terrible mother. I actually like this piece better than the first. Seems to stand out more, and have more description.
dragonfan said...
Dec. 12, 2009 at 5:35 pm
this is vary good but sad and also kinda creepy but i really like it u did a great job and keep up the awesome work!
Chickie said...
Nov. 20, 2009 at 10:37 am
Good job, Grace! I loved this story, it was disturbing but in a wonderfully creepy way. You'd make an excellent mystery writer.
fictionluver replied...
Dec. 3, 2009 at 10:22 am
thank you! i hope to keep writing.
jspears said...
Oct. 8, 2009 at 7:39 pm
I enjoyed this passage. It was a bit weird how the speaker felt about her daughter. Though the article was strange, I think you did a good job describing and giving reasons why the speaker di not want a daughter. When you said "it was an unexpected and rather unwanted mistake" i could clearly see that the speaker did not want a child. You also described the stream well. When you said "The fast flowing current of this deep stream" and "pushed under the currents of such a ... (more »)
jsherbine said...
Oct. 8, 2009 at 5:26 pm
I liked this story though I thought it was a little weird. Like when you said "Mommy, save me!" a smile crept upon my face." I thought that was really creepy. But I thought your descriptions were good when you were describing your daughter. Also at the end when you said "she was gone... well that’s what they said happened", I liked how u gave it suspense.
jspears replied...
Oct. 8, 2009 at 7:30 pm
haha justin that was a terrible response.
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