A Life Turned Upside-Down | Teen Ink

A Life Turned Upside-Down

December 17, 2008
By Jessica McDonald, Addieville, IL

Finally, its eighth hour, school is almost over and it is getting close to being time to go home. I have so much on my mind and it is getting very hard to concentrate. It has been an incredibly long, full of stress day. I am extremely nervous to go home, between my step mom and dad fighting and me not doing so hot on my report card, I really just do not want to go home to them screaming at each other or, worse, me. I wish I could go somewhere else, but I have no where else to go, I have drifted so far away from my friends. I do not approve of the things they are doing so they do not want to be around me, and they don’t even talk to me in school anymore. All because I do not like to go out and get drunk or, in other words, ask for trouble.

I do not approve of drinking, it is just asking for trouble. Nothing good ever comes out of getting drunk. A drunk driver is how I lost my mother. My friends, I guess you could call them that-still to this day they don’t understand why I say no when they ask me to come out drinking with them. I also still cannot seem to understand why my father drinks. I mean my dad was the most devastated person. I figured he would quit drinking because alcohol lead to her death.
When I was three years old my mother was on her way home from shopping, and she was going to pull into the driveway and a drunk driver hit her. He was speeding excessively and when he hit my mother the impact killed her instantly. I think what happened to my mother affected my father the most, he and my mother were so crazy in love and she used to make my dad so happy. That awful night, when we lost my mother, my father had just put me to sleep and he was waiting for my mom to come home, sitting out on the porch swing. He could not hold back the excitement he had while he waited for her to get home. He had just bought her a new necklace for her birthday, the necklace was so gorgeous. My dad saw my mom coming down the road and instantly stood up. That’s when it happened. My mom put on the turn signal for the driveway and started to brake, when all of a sudden a car smashed right into the back of her car. My dad instantly called 911 and then ran to my mother’s car. There was nothing anyone could do, she was already gone. He was devastated after that. I remember he sent me off to go stay at my grandparents’ house in Alaska for a few months with he tried to get over my mother’s horrible death.
On my sixteenth birthday my father gave the necklace that never made it around my mother’s neck to me when he had finally thought I was responsible enough to take care of it. I was very shocked and at the same time unbelievably thankful that the necklace is now mine and not my step mother’s.
All of those thoughts are kind of blurred in my memory. I do not like to remember my past because it has been such a hard one to endure. RING! There’s the bell now it is time to go home. As I walk to my locker, out of the corner of my eye I see my so called friends laughing at me as I walk by. I could not figure out why they were doing this to me, but then the tall guy standing in front of them turned around and I instantly knew what they were doing. Seth, the tall guy, does not like me very much so he must have been cracking jokes about me when the girls who I thought were my friends joined in. I guess they thought that they were cool hanging out with a senior who likes to make fun of their other friends.
I am at my locker grabbing my books when all of a sudden Clifton comes up to me at my locker and just stands there. I go to stand up he says, “Boo! Ha ha. I scared you”, which in all reality he really did scare me.
I said “Clifton, you have got to stop doing this to me, plus I don’t think your girlfriend likes this very much”, I could see her glaring at me from across the hall.
“I don’t care, you never look happy Abbi and I want to be the one to cheer you up,” Clifton said to me. My face just turned a very deep shade of red because I knew how much he wanted to make me happy and I have never had a guy act like this toward me before and it was almost rather embarrassing. With him making this an everyday thing the past couple of weeks I wonder how it makes his girlfriend feel, but I cannot help the fact that he wants to talk to me and I actually want him to talk to me, even if I don’t act like I do.
I know, though, that it is better if I really do not get too involved with Clifton. I need to find a way to tell him that, but I can’t, he brightens up my day. That is kind of sad that I have to resort to a boy who feels sorry for me to make me happy, but he does and I don’t care how wrong it is, I like him talking to me. This, however, cannot go any farther than talking; I don’t want him to see how awful my parents treat me. I also don’t want to get too close to anybody just because if something were to happen to them I wouldn’t be able to handle the heartache.
My step mom is like a monster to me, no joke; the only time she talks to me is when she is yelling at me for something that she usually did. I think she only likes my father for his money and she doesn’t want any of it to be spent on me. Ever since my dad has put that stupid ring on her finger she has treated me like this. Before she used to treat me like I was an actual human being. Now all she does is yell at me and blame me for her mistakes. I mean even if the only time she talks to me is to yell at me and my father just doesn’t talk to me at all they are still my parents, well at least still my dad is. Of course my dad is oblivious to the way my stepmom treats me, just like he is oblivious to everything that goes on around him. I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea about my dad either because I love him.
Ever since my mother died my father doesn’t really pay attention to much and has been oblivious to everything going on around him. I don’t know why and I don’t understand it. I never thought he would move on from his ways. Then he met Christine and they dated for a while and decided to get married, personally I think she talked him into the marriage. I don’t think he really wanted to get remarried I think he just didn’t want to be lonely anymore. Now that he is with her, however, he has been rather nice to me, the abuse stopped and instead of him yelling at me, he just doesn’t talk to me. I cannot complain though because they just ignore me and leave me to go upstairs and be alone, which for me is very peaceful. I like it better this way until my step mom gets in one of her moods and then she screams at me for no reason.
My life is very lonely and I wish I had someone who could be there with me and for me. I wish things would go back to the way they were, with my mom alive and my dad my best friend. I miss the both of them, even though I live with my dad and he is around all the time its not like how it used to be. He is not the same person that he used to be, my best friend. My problem with being lonely is that I am very shy and I can’t really help myself because I am scared of rejection and failure. I don’t want to just go up to someone and start talking to them and then them just ignore me or be mean to me.
The only person that I am comfortable talking to is Clifton. I do not go up to him and talk to him either. If he comes up to me and talks to me I will gladly talk to him. I think I am actually starting to rather enjoy him around me. I am just scared to put myself out there and let him know that I like him because I don’t want to be hurt by him. Also I am trying not to like him like that because he also has a girlfriend. I don’t want to be the reason for them to break up, and I also don’t want her to hate me.
Now I am home and it’s back to the usual sitting by my lonesome being ignored by my parents. I guess my dad and step mom decided to drink tonight. I can tell because when I walked in the house they were being very loud and very stupid. So the best thing I can think of to do would pretty much just be to go upstairs and do my homework and be as quiet as possible.
So I am done doing my homework and watching some TV, and I am extremely hungry. I think I am going to go downstairs and make me some dinner. When I go to the kitchen it is very quiet downstairs. I didn’t see or hear my dad or step mom. I thought this was very unusual because normally they are both sitting in the recliners in the living room and either watching TV or passed out, and they were both out of sight. I am deciding to just hurry up and cook. Tonight I am deciding to eat up in my room because I am nervous not knowing what is going on.
I got up to my room and that’s when I heard them. I had to open my window to listen better. They were doing their usual when they drink. Fighting. Great now my step mom is going to come up here when they get done and then I have a feeling she is going to scream at me too. From my room I could hear doors slam and then I heard a sound that was music to my ears, my dad yelling. “I’ve had it with you Christine! Get out!”
I then thought to myself I need to pretend to sleep so if he comes up here he won’t bother me.
Finally after about a half an hour, I could hear my father contemplating coming to my room to talk to me. I’m awful nervous; Christine kept my father sane and some what nice. I could hear him coming up the stairs so I am debating whether or not to pretend to be asleep still or act like I am just waking up. I think I’m just going to face him and just wake up so I am going with that, I could see my father peeking in my door. “Daddy? Is everything okay?” I asked.
He spoke softly, “I’m done with Christine. I got a reality check today when I was watching our home movies from before your mother died,” while he was walking in my room and sitting next to me on my bed. Just by the way he was sitting there I could tell that there was no more yelling, no more abuse, no more anger, and no more alcohol. He turns to me and starts talking, “Abbi, I’m so sorry honey. I wish I could take back everything I’ve done to you, and everything you’ve been through.”
I am completely speechless. My father is finally realizing what’s going on around him. “Dad,” I was stuttering, “I don’t know what to say. I mean…Wow. Christine is gone.” I am so happy right now I can’t even think.
“Honey you should get some sleep. We can talk more tomorrow when you get home from school. Goodnight. I love you,” my father spoke again softly.
“Alright,” I could barely let it out; I was still in such shock. My father was walking out of the room when I finally said, “I love you, Daddy! Goodnight.” Even though he could barely hear me, he came back in and gave me a huge hug. Finally I got my best friend back.


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