Little Paper Ombre

October 28, 2008
"It's alive!"
"What is?"
"Rodrigo, my little paper ombre!"
"Wow. You're moving him around with your hands, so it looks like he's dancing...Lame."
"But but but!!! I was just about to get to the good part!" I cried.
"You're stupid." My friend was already walking away.
I looked after him for a moment, before setting Rodrigo down on my desk. I folded my hands and shrugged with a sigh.
"Oh, well! Too bad for her...DO YOUR THANG RODRIGO!"
I laughed and clapped me hands while Rodrigo stood up and did his little paper ombre dance all by himself.

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Critic said...
Apr. 23, 2014 at 1:48 pm
The ending of this story was extremely predictable. If you want to create a sudden unexpected climax, you usually need more developement. Lie to the reader. Convince them that the narrator is immortally honest and then thrust in a quick and shocking antithesis to what they were led to believe. Shoot for "Twilight Zone"-type material, not poetry converted sloppily into prose.
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