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Little Paper Ombre

"It's alive!"
"What is?"
"Rodrigo, my little paper ombre!"
"Wow. You're moving him around with your hands, so it looks like he's dancing...Lame."
"But but but!!! I was just about to get to the good part!" I cried.
"You're stupid." My friend was already walking away.
I looked after him for a moment, before setting Rodrigo down on my desk. I folded my hands and shrugged with a sigh.
"Oh, well! Too bad for her...DO YOUR THANG RODRIGO!"
I laughed and clapped me hands while Rodrigo stood up and did his little paper ombre dance all by himself.

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Critic said...
Apr. 23, 2014 at 1:48 pm
The ending of this story was extremely predictable. If you want to create a sudden unexpected climax, you usually need more developement. Lie to the reader. Convince them that the narrator is immortally honest and then thrust in a quick and shocking antithesis to what they were led to believe. Shoot for "Twilight Zone"-type material, not poetry converted sloppily into prose.
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